I have not really made any effort to talk to my children on this. They have had sheltered lives all these while without experiencing any real hardship.

I should talk to them. Thanks for this timely reminder.

“Not that there is a problem with simply telling kids no, but sometimes it helps to explain why you can’t afford to do something or buy something in the context of a larger plan to turnaround your financial situation.”

Let’s say you had a spouse who was either a homemaker or went to school full-time, either unemployed or working a low paying job to accumulate money for discretionary spending. You are the breadwinner, you handle paying the bills and setting the budget, the spouse gets by with no idea what’s going on.

If you have to make sacrifices in tough times, is there a problem with simply telling the spouse no? Saying “because I said so” when he or she asks for an explanation on why their life is being effected? Of course, if the spouse is insisting on something unreasonable, you might have to put your foot down and disregard his or her feelings in order to make things work. But does a family member have to be a breadwinner to have any say in where the bread goes or be entitled to any explanation about why they don’t get to have as much bread as they want? Would you really only allow them information if it’s helpful to you that they have it, rather than because they deserve it? Maybe you’ll say yes, input and explanations are a privilege, not a right, for non-breadwinners. But some people would say that makes you a jackass. Others would call that situation domestic abuse.

If it’s a problem to simply tell a spouse no, why isn’t it a problem to simply tell a kid no? What makes them less worthy of respect? Especially since you said this in the section on teenagers, who should be in the process of transitioning to an adult level of maturity and life skills if they haven’t achieved it already.

That being said, in years past, we’ve been blessed enough to have some substantial end-of-year bonuses and have bought quite a lot at Christmas. This year, we’ve told them all that we’re restricting the amount to one big gift and a few smaller ones.

One thing I would avoid if possible is using the word “broke.” I can still remember my mother saying we couldn’t do or buy something because she was broke when what she really meant was it was a few more days until payday and the item wasn’t in the budget or she just didn’t want to buy it. Unfortunately, it left a lasting impression that we were in dire straights.