However, I spend considerable time thinking I should not purchase this item or take this expensive trip(s) less I have very little left at my death for my adult children. And it keeps us from doing some enjoyable things that we would like to do.

Neither of my children have ever said the words, but they have intimated that they hope that I do not simply leave everything to my second wife.

Like Ruth, one of my children is financially well off and the other is always in need of financial help.

I would like to leave some money to them at my death; but I am no longer comfortable spelling out a percentage or dollar amount to be left for them. Especially since I plan to live many more healthy years. Plus, the 2007-08 market eliminated a considerable amount of what I had hoped to pass on some day.

@Ruth: My kids are still young, so I’m not able to fully relate to your situation. However, I can tell you that I have had discussions with a close family member in a similar situation. The thing that finally eased his mind was the realization that when it comes time for the money to be spent, he will be gone. How his kids choose to spend it is up to them.

Like you, he has worked hard, and sacrificed much, to build a small nest egg. And the thought of it being frittered away in an instant drove him nuts. That is, until he came to the conclusion that when he left the money to his kids it was their money, and how they spent it was a reflection on them, not him.

I would have the same concerns you do, Ruth, and I don’t blame you for being upset. You might want to seek counsel from an estate attorney who could help you draw up something for this particular situation. Perhaps your son could receive annual allotments over a period of time from a trust that is established at the time of your death, rather than a lump sum, which he may be more likely to blow all at once.

Keep an eye on this post for other suggestions from readers. Hopefully someone will come along with a similar situation and have some sound advice for you. Thanks for sharing your situation with us, Ruth.

My biological father died a wealthy man and left nothing to me and my sister. Thus the reason for my desire to leave Kurt and Karen some money. I’m financially able to do so and my will states my desire. However, my concern is Kurt. He gambles to the extreme – horses, internet poker, etc, etc. He actually tells me about his activities!! He knows I despise this. He never had plans – short term or long term. He has only been focused on his nursing career for the last 15 years.

Karen is just the opposite. Always the focused one. An attorney with her own lawfirm. Always the over achiever. Stable marriage. Leaving money to Karen is not a concern. But I can’t leave something to Karen and Jordan and nothing to Kurt. I just can’t. I see a lot of Kurt’s father in Kurt. That’s not a pretty picture. I have never said that to Kurt.

I worked very hard for my money and the thought of it taking a trip to Las Vegas or some other “easy” place is very hard. I’m very upset about this. I’m tired of crying about this. No one I know has this situation. Surely, I’m not the only person who is trying to come to terms with this issue.

@Ruth: What is your situation? I may have missed it in an earlier comment. Anything I can address?

I’ll leave everything to my kids. I’ve been teaching and instilling values in them their whole lives. Why would I stop trusting them now?

In my own case, should I ever have kids, I hope to leave them a little money. However, I would like to think that I would raise them in such a manner that they would know how best to use the money. I don’t want to be one of those who micromanage the use of the money, but if I felt it was in their best interest to do so, then I would stipulate how that money was to be given and used for. Like I said, I don’t want to do that, but I don’t want the kids to waste their opportunities, either.

That said, I’m of the same mind as Buffet. Too much can be a bad thing. I’d rather help my children than hinder them. So, I would have to look at their situation at the time and make my call from there.

But, if there is stacks of money to be left, I agree strongly with Warren Buffet’s take on it. Nothing feels better than accomplishing something on your own. If everything is just given to you, what do you have to work or live for? I wouldn’t do that to my kids. They deserve better than that. They deserve to find their own way and to feel the elation and pride one feels from standing on your own two feet and making it.

But it’s interesting to see his quote since he thinks the should be raised to the point that it should discourage dynastic wealth.

I don’t think I’d be able to do what he’s going to do and just give away all the money he’s made…