Comments on: How to Say “No” When Your Child Wants Something

By: Meaghan

Meaghan — Sat, 06 Jun 2009 00:39:51 +0000

Saying NO is tough, but ultimately it is in the best interest of your child and your family!

By: DDFD at DivorcedDadFrugalDad

DDFD at DivorcedDadFrugalDad — Sat, 30 May 2009 12:49:47 +0000

The hardest word in the english language for parents is, “NO”.

The self-esteem movement is an example of these problems that are coming . . .

Too many parents don’t say NO– and we are all going to pat for it. These spoiled brats grow up to become unruly co-workers and employees, neighbors, and customers.

By: Aleksey Tsalolikhin

Aleksey Tsalolikhin — Fri, 29 May 2009 19:29:34 +0000

Lovely, thank you. The hardest part for me is sticking to the “no” and making sure Mom sticks to the “no” as well. Your post is inspiring for me to continue providing good care and control.

Best,
Aleksey

By: Kate@LivingTheFrugalLife

Kate@LivingTheFrugalLife — Fri, 29 May 2009 18:41:15 +0000

I agree that explaining a NO by saying that you can’t afford it sets a bad precedent and also misses the opportunity to teach other values. The child would reasonably interpret the “we can’t afford it” statement to mean several things. 1. If the family had more money, the child would be hearing YES instead of NO, regardless of the merit of the desire. 2. Other children who get what they want must come from families with more money. 3. If there’s money, it can be spent to gratify the child’s wishes.

It might be worth the extra aggravation to explain that the parent doesn’t *choose* to spend money on what the child wants, and that the parents have other priorities, which could be explained at an age-appropriate level of detail.

By: Froogirl

Froogirl — Fri, 29 May 2009 17:10:32 +0000

The nice thing about saying “no” most of the time is that those few time when you say “yes,” it is appreciated.

I also don’t answer with “we can’t afford it,” because most of the time it’s not the price tag that is driving the no.

By: Frugal Dad

Frugal Dad — Fri, 29 May 2009 16:08:55 +0000

@Rebecca: We had a similar experience recently when my daughter returned from a book fair at her school with a book for her brother. Instead of spending all her allowance on herself, she thought to pick up something for him, too.

@All: This was a great post from Kimberly because it got us thinking about how to explain to kids that there is a finite supply of money. I’ve used my four-quarter budget game in the past with some success. http://frugaldad.com/2008/02/21/teach-your-kids-about-money-with-only-4-quarters/

By: Craig

Craig — Fri, 29 May 2009 15:58:26 +0000

Coming from a child’s point of view it sucks to get said no to, but it is better in the long run. Why? Because you don’t grow up being spoiled. You learn to appreciate things more and understand that just because you want something, doesn’t mean you can get it.

By: lvlc @ FromMomToMom

lvlc @ FromMomToMom — Fri, 29 May 2009 15:47:17 +0000

I am having this trouble with my 5 year old son RIGHT NOW! and is NOT FUNNY! But I am surviving! But he is getting used to the idea that mommy buys food and clothes. If he wants a toy he needs to earn it and is not me who is buying it! hahaha is Daddy! lol

By: Susan

Susan — Fri, 29 May 2009 15:12:05 +0000

I never used the ‘because i can’t afford it’ reply to my son when he wanted something. usually the reason was something other than that, and that is what i told him.

By: DD

DD — Fri, 29 May 2009 14:52:48 +0000

I agree that you should talk to children. But instead of focusing on money you should be explaining your expectations for their behavior while in a store.

This is why you should NOT forget about the incident when you leave. That is a teachable moment where you explain further what went wrong and how they can improve.

Also whatever you do, DO NOT stop for ice cream after an incident takes place. Ice cream is a reward and you don’t want to reward bad behavior.