Comments on: Father’s Day Message: It’s Time To “Man Up”

By: Robyne

Robyne — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 22:21:45 +0000

An interesting article and a good reminder. But what do you do when the father remarries and provides money for the children but nothing else. Sometimes (actually most times!)I think the emotional support of a father are even more important than the money!
I am seeing the effects now of a father who ignored his daughters for many years and both of them now have great difficulty trusting men in relationships.
I have tried all methods to try and engage him with the children but he is a man who likes an “easy life” and his current wife objects to him being involved with the youngest daughter in particular…. she is the one in most need of a father/daughter relationship and even at 28 feels very sad about it. His response is “we have a different life now”. I am quite sure other men have found a way to embrace their relationships with their children of the first marrage whilst not neglecting the second wife (who he has no children with).
Any advice? I am concerned about my adult daughter who still craves a relationship with her dad to no avail. It is very sad

By: Aron Gahagan

Aron Gahagan — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 17:48:07 +0000

Hear, hear! Great post.

By: Frugal Dad

Frugal Dad — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 16:17:33 +0000

@Matt: You do make a good point. These types of sentiments are never expressed on Mother’s Day, even though there are plenty of examples of bad moms out there, too. Thanks for making me think about it in that light…very interesting.

By: Matt

Matt — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 16:10:11 +0000

I don’t like what father’s day has become.

I’m not a father yet, but I’m the son of a GREAT dad. Yesterday was spent with my father-in-law (another great man) and my own dad, doing what they wanted to do and generally giving them a day off.

It seems to me that while Mother’s Day is a day to thank Mom and praise her for raising us, Father’s Day is a day to tell all men everywhere that they’re not doing enough. The one’s who do a great job get nothing, while the slackers get a scolding. Every year I hear it in the Sunday sermon, on TV commercials (thanks, Mr. President), and in Father’s Day articles.

Before you all start yelling at me, I AGREE that there are plenty of dead-beat dads out there that need to be taken behind the wood shed. I find nothing in particular in this post offensive or incorrect.

All I’m saying is that for those of us who were raised by fantastic moms AND dads, it’d be nice to get away from the “we’ve gotta do better” speeches and “make sure to spend time with your kids” reminders that Father’s Day has become. Just remember that some dads did it right.

By: Lisa

Lisa — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 15:59:03 +0000

I completely agree with the earlier post by Kate. I have seen so much money wasted and kids spoiled by “adults” who do not properly see their role as leaders.

I absolutely love this post. As a woman, it is very difficult to “let” my husband lead and is a learned skill for me because I had no example in childhood. I really do think men are very marginalized by their wives and society at large. When a true man is not present in a home, the children of that home have no idea what a real man can do.

As to the bitter arguments between spouses and misuse of child support, to me it illustrates a complete lack of family leadership in showing children the enormous responsibility and repercussions of one’s choice in a spouse. That they are 90 percent of one’s future happiness or misery is not an overstatement. A prime concern for all parents should be ensuring that their children are not blinded by lust when choosing a spouse.

By: ~kat

~kat — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 14:06:30 +0000

If only you could talk to my son in law. He will NEVER man up and is over 3k in arrears with child support and keeps buying more and more toys vs. diapers for his kids.

Hope you had a wonderful father’s day, you deserve it!

By: Charlie

Charlie — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 06:27:34 +0000

I agree. However, it would be nice if “the system” were set up to make sure the child support you send every month is spent on your child!

By: Matt Jabs

Matt Jabs — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 03:41:22 +0000

Finally... a man speaking like a man to other men. If only our leaders understood how to lead men! Morality, commonsense, and personal responsibility are the building blocks of what made this country great. When these character cornerstones begin to erode, as we are witness to in our modern culture, the country itself will indeed erode along with it.

By: TFHackett

TFHackett — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 01:18:55 +0000

Great and timely post, and I would much rather hear this advice coming from you rather than Barack Obama. I’m not the worst Dad but I have a long way to go to be the man that my Dad was. Reading words of encouragement like these keep me going. Thanks.

By: Elliott - 21st Century Dad

Elliott - 21st Century Dad — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 23:01:11 +0000

Father’s Day isn’t just a day to honor and remember your father. It’s a day to remember what it means to be a father.

It’s time to man up more than you ever know. Being a good father is a big juggling act. There’s no time for egos and insecurities here. A man who tries hard and doesn’t quite meet his own expectations is a far better man than one who just gives up.

I got this lesson from another angle too. I was in a situation where I helped raise a kid whose father skipped out on him. 14 years later, child support enforcement finally caught up with the deadbeat dad. Let this be a warning to those who don’t man up. His wages will be garnished and the IRS will seize his tax refund until all the back child support is paid in full.