My mom was diagnosed with dementia a decade after her divorce.

Because she lived on alimony and had no earned income she was not eligible for Social Security disability (SSDI)

A big benefit is after 24 months those on SSDI qualify for Medicare coverage – that would have helped cover the tens of thousands she paid out of pocket over the decade-long course of her illness.

You only have to generate 2 credits a year (out of 4 possible) to remain eligible for SSDI.

The problem is that in those 15 years or even in the past 2 years neither one planned according to how the economy was going and continued to live outside of both their means. The ex-husband should seek to get the alimony reduced and the ex-wife shouldn’t sign the loan papers but take whatever the divorce decree said was hers.

Finally, even with “sure” money, plan for a disaster. Wow. 15 years. Wow.

BTW- I know LOTS of people (several men – lots of women) who own a part of the spouse’s 401 or IRA. It is a normal thing if one was funded and the other was not.
Even the government does not permit a “non working” spouse to put away much money. As a mom who has returned to work- I will be looking to my husband’s pension if anything happens to our marriage.I did not gain the senority because I was caring for children or moving our household for his job. HE knows that. But, we plan to be together for “till death us do part”. Again, old fashioned.

Now sure if Mary approaches her ex w/any attitude…..it’s just what they’ve worked out.

If not, stop judging and labeling.

Women routinely perform work in the home that, if a husband were to hire someone, would equal a hefty sum. So most likely Mary and other divorced women who worked IN THE HOME, were unpaid workers for many years.

That alimony is often compensation for that unpaid work.

Not saying this applies to all cases.

However, there is no reason for anyone commenting here, who has no real insight into the nature of this relationship and the terms of the divorce to judge.

Not really your business.

I’ve had to watch the painful breakups of several friends. Each and every woman, for various reasons, got royally messed up by their ex-husbands. None of them received alimony (even though several had been forced, yes, you heard me, forced by their husbands, to stay home when they wanted to work) and several of the husbands did not pay child support as mandated.

Do some women abuse alimony? Absolutely. But not in all cases. In many cases, women leave a marriage with no resources having delivered what amounts to years of unpaid work.

If a man expects his then-wife to stay home and raise children, maintain his social life, maintain the home, etc. as so many former wives did, a lot of work with NO pay (room and board is not pay, folks), then he has to compensate her for that work.

The ex-wife of a very high profile CEO type won a huge settlement years ago because the court ruled, rightly IMHO, that the “services” she delivered (she held parties, managed their home and maintained relationships on behalf of this guy that allowed him to advance in his career)contributed to his success in his career.

In “real” life, where people don’t make $500,000, these issues are even more problematic.

People with years of experience can’t get work today. How is an older woman with no skills supposed to support herself?

To me, a divorce settlement should take into account the services rendered and also provide funding for someone to get job training, where at all feasible.

For me and others, the way to avoid all this is simple: Do not get married.

Personally, I don’t think that any woman should ever give up her financial independence to anyone, let alone a husband. But I respect that for some women, staying home and raising children is a choice and as such should be regarded as the important work it is.

If a spouse had to hire someone to caretake a home, raise children, etc., it would cost a pretty penny.

By the way, I believe all of this applies to both male and female spouses. Today, there have been many men who stayed home to raise kids, etc. and they, too need compensation should a divorce ensue to compensate for their services.

and yes, every marriage contract is indeed different. So this is not me saying every spouse has a right to claim alimony. I don’t believe that at all, but there are times when it is the “right” thing to do and financially justified.

There’s no mention of children, and I’m not sure if that was omitted, or there aren’t any kids. We also don’t know how old the ex’s are.

My ex-husband paid child support for our two children until they were 18 years old. The court lumped our two salaries together and then determined what the kids “bracket” would be. My salary was 75% of the total, my ex’s was 25%. So, my ex paid 25% of the total support to me as I had custodial care of the kids. When he lost his job, he could have had the situation re-evaluated. We did go back to court to dissolve the child support order when the kids were over 18.
They still live with me so I’M going to move next year to bump them from the nest. They’re 25 & 23 and it’s time for them to make their own way in this crazy world. They will both have graduated from college at that point and I’ll give the new grad a couple of months to find a job before I pull the house out from under them.

MOTHER OF THE YEAR!!!!

This divorce stuff is decades out of date.