This was my recent advice to a family member who still has his entire adult life ahead of him. Thankfully, he’s still debt free, which means he has plenty of options. He can choose to spend his income, pile up debts, and eliminate these options, or remain free. It really is that simple.

Photo by Justin Donnelly

It felt a little strange giving this advice since from the time I was his age I have largely done what I had to, or whatever I could do, to earn money. That included staying at a particularly lousy job for over six years in my early twenties while working my way through the rest of school. As bad as that job was, I couldn’t afford to quit. After all, I had a wife, a baby, and student loans to feed!

Yes, I jumped onto the debt bandwagon in college, accumulating debt for schooling itself and credit card debt for the little “perks” that came with college life (college textbooks, late-night pizzas, and a few Sony Playstation games I just HAD to have). I spent the next decade working to pay off my years as a spendthrift.

But my cousin has the chance to take a different path. I’ve joked with him before that if I knew what I know now at his age, I’d be approaching early retirement. He laughed, until I told him he wouldn’t be laughing when he’s my age with very little savings, and a list of monthly obligations for which he trades in his free time to be in an office 40-50 hours a week. I told him to simply do something he loved, before he had to something for money.

Do Something You Love

I’ve never liked the “Do Something You Love” mantra, probably because I feel a little like I missed my chance to take that advice. I suspect there are plenty of 30-somethings out there who share this same feeling. But there is still time to reinvent ourselves. There is still time to chase our own dreams of what we want to be when we grow up.

The first step is to free ourselves from the financial shackles we voluntarily placed around our own legs years ago. So many people think a framed diploma and a job offer entitle them to a new car, a big house and new toys. Not so. It is far more important to build emergency savings, begin to invest for retirement, and save cash to pay for large purchases. But try telling that to your average 23 year-old.

We’ve all heard this before from parents and grandparents, but life really does have a way of sneaking up on you. After college there’s some single life to be enjoyed, but soon a spouse and child come along with a whole new set of financial worries.

You get your wills done (the first real wake up call that yes, you are mortal), buy some life insurance, look for a home, scan the safety ratings of a potential car purchases, and open a college savings account. And that’s just in the first few months of being a parent!

Over the years, you’ll celebrate certain milestones, which have a way of coming quicker and quicker the older your kids get. Before long you’ll be worrying about them driving (and worrying about what they will drive), wondering if you’ve saved enough for college, and then hoping they land on their feet, financially, instead of landing back in their old bedroom.

All that to say, if you are young, please choose to live frugal and do something you love. It’s a decision much easier made at 25 than 35.

You might be paying a very high price for the work you do. In fact, it might make a lot of sense for you to take a lower paying job or stop working all together.

This thought occurred to me recently while I visited my daughter in Israel.

She’s a student and she’s also working part-time. I’m a huge fan of working through college but the next 6 months are really critical for her future.

You see, she’s studying for an exam that will determine what she’ll be able to major in. That in turn will have a huge impact on what career she’s able to pursue later on. You can see that it’s very important that she do as well as possible on that test.

I suggested that she quit her job and let me kick in a few shekels each month. She in turn would be able to devote all her attention to the exam in March. She’s a proud kid and very independent. She told me she’d consider my offer and get back to me.

If she does accept the help, it could be a huge win for all of us and I personally think it’s a no-brainer. The amount of money she needs to support herself is very modest. She doesn’t need the support for very long and the payoff could be huge.

Why am I sharing this with you?

Think about how you spend your day. Is it the highest and best use of your time? Is it consistent with your long-term dream? Do your daily activities get you closer or further away from your ultimate goals?

Let me give you another example.

Let’s say your dream is to become an attorney (if so, may the Lord have mercy on your soul). In order to that, you have to go to law school of course.

But let’s say you don’t have any outside support possibilities.

Assume you have to continue working as a receptionist in order to keep a roof over your head. Are you doomed to spend the rest of your life with a headset strapped to your scalp?

No way.

You can still apply these principles.

You may not able to quit work and devote all your energy to law school, but if you want to be an attorney badly enough, you could look for higher paying work that will allow you to pursue your dream.

You might become a food server in a classy restaurant for example. That might give you the money and time you need. Of course, you might have to start out as a lowly dish washer and work your way up. That might bruise your ego. But in this case, it could make more sense to be a dishwasher (at lower wages) than to continue your work as a receptionist. Make sense?

Have you ever voluntarily gone a down a notch economically in order to pursue a better future for yourself? Are you willing to do it now?

If you encounter personal conflicts at work – I think I may have stumbled upon a major contributing factor and how to solve most (or at least some) of these challenges.

Ready for the root cause of most of your work issues?  Here it is:

You (or the people you work with) forget why you go to work.

This may sound overly simplistic but let me share a story that will illustrate how powerful this really can be.

Tim, an old friend of mine has a long history of short stints at work. That frustrates me. He is a super-qualified, high-profile media guy.  He’s personable, intelligent and……can’t keep a job.

He’s been married for 2 years.  His wife Patti is working her tail off trying to keep them afloat and she’s just about had enough. She sees how qualified Tim is but thinks he gets himself fired (on purpose or subconsciously) because he’s lazy.  She doesn’t want another 40 years of this kind of life.  She’s threatened to leave if Tim doesn’t get it together.  If that wasn’t enough pressure, the couple is just about to lose their home to foreclosure.

You can imagine that Tim was really relieved two weeks ago when he got hired at one of the most prestigious media companies in the world.

I asked him how it was going when we spoke a few days ago. His answer knocked me out of my chair.

He told me that his boss made a slight “remark” and it really made Tim angry.  He was already complaining about his new boss and was “re-thinking” his decision to take the job.

Tim may have had a justifiable gripe but I didn’t think it mattered. I just couldn’t believe he was complaining.  Here he had an opportunity to work again – and the alternative was foreclosure and divorce.

It occurred to me that Tim was either completely insane or he was going to work for the wrong reasons.

I asked him to tell me why he goes work and this is what he came up with:

a.   To support his family.

b.   To be of service to the company he works for.

c.   To contribute to the world.

Intellectually…very nice.  But to me, his answer wasn’t complete.

I asked him if there were other reasons. He couldn’t come up with any so I suggested he also goes to work to be:

a.   Important

b.   Right

c.   Liked

d.   Looked up to

e.   Taken care of

f.    Powerful and strong

I gave him examples of how he sought out those payoffs time and time again.

For example, I asked why he reacted so strongly to the remark his boss made.

I suggested that it was because we wasn’t getting what he wanted – which was to be important, strong, looked up to etc..

If all he wanted to do was to take care of his family and contribute to his new firm and the world, he would have let that remark made by the employer roll off his back…right?

Tim takes what other people do and say personally – especially at his job.  As a result, work… doesn’t work.  That’s why he usually finds himself unemployed shortly after he lands a job.

I suggested that he has a real opportunity to turn this situation around once and for all.  If you struggle with the people at work, this exercise can help you too:

1.   Write down why you think you go to work.

Like Tim, this list probably includes paying your bills, taking care of your family, doing a good job for your employer, advancement etc.

2.   Write down all the social and psychological payoffs that you don’t want to admit to.

This is show time.  You have to be honest.  Part of the reason you go to work is because you have social and personal needs that have nothing to do with money.  Nothing wrong with that.

You probably want to enjoy yourself.  Why not?  You spend more of your waking time at work than any other place….right?  You want to be liked and respected…..who doesn’t?

In moderation, these are all just human needs and they won’t get you into trouble.  The real rough water starts when you want to be “important”.

This is something you may not want to admit to – I certainly don’t.  But if you find yourself at odds with others, it may be something you need to look at.

This is all about ego.  It has nothing to do with why you are really go to work.  If you allow your ego to call the shots at work – always looking for a way to be revered by your co-workers or employer, you’ll alienate everyone around you.  Just don’t be surprised when you don’t have a job.

Even if you are the smart one, it doesn’t matter.

If you go looking for worshipers at work, you’re going to tick people off.

You may not realize what you are doing but other people do.  Need proof?

When the guy in the next office is positioning….you see what he’s up to…right?

Well…guess what……he knows it when you are doing the same thing.

3.   Keep this list on your desk at all times.

You’re only human.  You aren’t perfect.  You have character flaws; everyone does.  Review this list often and it will help you remain aware and “awake”.

Don’t beat yourself up – but it’s time to put a leash on your ego.

When you catch yourself trying to flex your muscles for all the wrong reasons, call it out.  Laugh at yourself and tell your co-workers that your ego must have gotten the better of you – then get back on track.   Don’t have a 3-day seminar on the subject but don’t try to cover it up either.  If you make a mistake, be honest about it and then move on.  Believe me, the people you work with will be amazed and appreciate your honesty.

4.   Don’t expect the world to be perfect.

Believe it or not, not everyone is going to read this post.  Your boss might be a huge ego freak and you can’t change it.

Realize that it’s not about you.  If she’s looking for ego strokes and by so doing, puts you down, she probably does that to other people too.  Don’t take it personally.  I know that’s easy to say and hard to do.

If it gets to be too much, you’ll need to look for a different boss somehow.  I’ll leave that part to you.  Just don’t allow someone else to push your buttons if you can.

What make me such an expert on this subject?

I spent years trying to make sure everyone know how smart I was.  When I didn’t get what I wanted, I went ballistic.  I had to do a lot of work on myself in order to stop doing that.  I’m not perfect…but I do it considerably less now.

That old behavior cost me so much time, life and love. It almost cost me everything.

That’s why this is such a hot button for me.

I still blow it from time to time.  When I do, I try to call it out and move on.  When people at work try to prove how important they are, I just try to remember that I have the same character flaw and it helps me stay calm.

Pardon me.  After all the years I spent making this mistake, I just think it’s really dumb to struggle when you don’t have to. If you are clear about why you go to work and get back on track when you forget……..most of your work challenges will disappear.

How about you.  What do you think is the main cause of trouble at work? How does it impact you?  What have you done about it?

Sandy writes in with the following dilemma regarding choosing a “real” job over continued freelancing:

Hi Frugal Dad,

I have a question that maybe your readers can help me with. I have been freelancing from home for over 10 years and have made a comfortable living at it. There have been bumps along the way, but for the most part when I lose a client, one seems to appear to fill the gap. I have been very blessed that way. It has also allowed me to stay at home with my kids, and I currently homeschool them as well. My husband works a full-time job with outstanding benefits, so we have that covered.

On a whim, I applied for a “real” job in another state which I didn’t expect would really play out, but surprise– it did. There is a very attractive salary offered, outstanding benefits, a ridiculous amount of vacation time,  and a pension (which I don’t currently have, though we do contribute heavily to my husband’s 401K). Part of the perks would be a free college education for my kids, who are currently in middle school. Even though they are currently homeschooled we had planned, and I know they want, to go back to “real” school next year.

So, what to do? Part of me likes the idea of job security — no more clients, no more constantly thinking about work. The other part of me is loathing the thought of giving up my my freedom of being self-employed. Housing in the other state is quite a bit more expensive than here, though we would stand to make a substantial gain on the sale of our current home.

To throw in another wrench, I was just awarded a very lucrative contract for my freelance business that would keep me solvent for the coming year. (I was getting a little nervous as work was seeming to dry up) After that, it would be up to me to find more work, though I do have a quite a few irons in the fire. Doing both would not be an option — there are only so many hours in a day, and I need to be a mommy to my kids too.

I have thought about just trying it out to see if it is a fit, but that would mean uprooting my kids and losing the contract as well.

What would you do? What other things should I consider that I haven’t?

Sandy, a few questions come to mind. What happens to your husband’s job if you relocate? Is his industry/expertise fairly transportable, meaning the likelihood of him finding a comparable job fairly high, even in this market?

I might be reading between the lines a bit here, but I don’t think you really want the new job. You have been a successful freelancer for a decade – not many people can say that. There is no shortage of people who start freelancing, but very few survive on their own for ten years.

On a related note, I would point out what is obvious to an unfortunate number of people these days – there is no such thing as “job security.” In fact, you may have more security, more stability, in hunting down work on your own using the experience and networking you already have in place as a freelancer. If you rejoin the corporate world, you are dependent on them to continue to find you work. If they fail, you will be unemployed, and will have given up a lucrative freelance contract.

The decision is yours and your family’s, as you recognize. But since you asked for my opinion, I’ll give it. If I was in your shoes, and my spouse had a stable job to cover benefits, and I had enough work to stay covered up for the next year, it would take a truckload of money to uproot my family and turn in that freedom for an employee badge. Whatever you decide, I wish you and your family well.

Ask the Readers: What would you do if you were in Sandy’s shoes?

The following guest post is from Steven of HundredGoals.com. After reading the post, be sure to visit Steven’s site to follow the journey towards accomplishing his list of one hundred goals! 

Many of us work at jobs where there is no opportunity for advancement.  If there is opportunity for upward mobility, the positions available may require advanced education, experience which we do not have or maybe we don’t have enough seniority.  It may also be that advancement into another position may bring even less satisfaction to an already miserable work experience.  Whatever the reason, working at a dead end job stinks. 

When you first began working for your company maybe you, like I, had stars in your eyes with dreams of advancement to the top ranks.  In no time you would be the one calling the shots, making the decisions, running the show.  Your work ethic was unmatched and you made every effort to go above and beyond at every opportunity in order to stand out above the crowd.  You took on special assignments, working late & on weekends.  You did your best to rub elbows with the big dogs without coming off as an ass-kisser.

Photo by Sea Moon

As time kept marching on you began to realize that despite everything you have ever been told about career advancement, you are making absolutely no progress.  Maybe you got a small promotion & an insignificant pay raise, but it hasn’t been the ride to the top you thought it was going to be.  You find yourself not caring so much about your performance.  It seems pointless to work so hard when everyone else is performing at a level much less than you yet receiving the same treatment.  No longer are you willing to sacrifice your free time for this company.  No more overtime, no more special projects.  Soon you slip into the shadows & become just another employee;  a number on the payroll roster.

As the morning sun slips through your curtains & the chirping of the songbirds wakes you from your peaceful slumber you are in no mood for birds or sunbeams.  Instead you want coffee & cigarettes, anything to take your mind away from the fact that it won’t be much longer before you are on your way to punch the clock at the daily Hell called work.  On your way you drive alongside hundreds, even thousands, of people just like you; eating a McMuffin, sipping coffee and smoking a cigarette.  Everyone is on their way to work.

Walking across the parking lot you are greeted with the same pleasantries as the day before.  The same conversations with the same people, day in and day out, over and over again.  Your mind is numb.  The people you once found interesting, whose stories you once hung on every word, are now dull and boring.  You turn your mouth on autopilot.  “Morning Jim.  Beautiful day.  How about the Dodgers, can you believe that?”  Deep inside of yourself you don’t really care what these people are talking about but you banter back and forth just to make it through another day.

As you lay down for the night, your head sinking into the cool comfort of your pillow, you ask yourself “Is this what work is supposed to be?  What happened?  I am not happy.  Isn’t there another way?  Shouldn’t I be doing something that gives me satisfaction and purpose?”

Some may think that it is naive to think everyone in the world can work in a job or career they love.  Maybe they are right.  There are those people out there who will settle for less than they deserve for a variety of reasons; security, money, insurance, education, even respect.  Yes, even people who work in highly respected positions are miserable too.  Staying in a position in order to maintain respect, or any reason, is ridiculous.  We should be seeking satisfaction in every way possible, including our careers.

Your happiness is no one’s responsibility but your own.  If you are unhappy in your job or career, it isn’t up to someone else to bring you satisfaction.  It is up to you.  Quitting a job isn’t something to take lightly and in today’s job market leaving a job, even one you hate, is a risky decision.  In order to quit your job & move smoothly towards other opportunities, keep these points in mind during the transition.

Job Security- If you are staying at a job you hate simply because you feel secure, you are being foolish.  As far too many people have discovered the hard way, there is no such thing as job security.  Take off the rose colored glasses.  At any moment your company could become bankrupt, your job could be outsourced or eliminated entirely.  Life is too short to be unhappy, even for a seemingly valid reason such as “security”.

Debt Elimination- One of the most important aspects of personal finance, not just quitting a job, is to get out of debt.  Having debt chains us to our job.  We must work in order to pay others.  Our money does not belong to us.  You may think you earn $15 an hour, but really, isn’t most of it going to Visa?  They’re the ones making all of the money & you’re doing all of the work for them.

Paying down debt can be a long process.  Depending on your debt load, it could take years before you are debt-free.  Figure out a plan to pay down your debt, and stick with it.  Once you have a plan written down on paper it is easier to meet your goals, especially if it is broken down into smaller, more manageable pieces.  Don’t look at your debt as one big mountain to move.  Instead, try to see it is a bunch of spoonfuls of dirt which are easier to move, bit by bit. 

Job Search- Maintaining a job while actively seeking other opportunities provides you with the benefit of time.  You can search for the perfect position without feeling pressured into taking a job that isn’t right for you.  If you are seeking other avenues of opportunity, maybe self-employment, having gainful employment while making the transition into running your own business takes some of the financial stress away.  You will continue earning a wage while your business is young and maturing.  Once you have established yourself & the money coming in is enough to support you without needing your “real” job, you can quit safely.

Education- One way to find more meaningful work or work that is more suitable for your ambitions is to further your education.  Whether you have a degree or haven’t graduated high school, you can always benefit from learning something new.  Take classes in things that interest you.  If there is an area that needs brushing up, say your language or writing mechanics, take some courses on these topics.  Many universities offer evening courses which will mesh well with your work schedule.

Returning to school on a full-time basis may also be something to consider.  Returning to school can be costly & requires devotion to your studies, so be prepared.  Have your finances in order and do your homework to figure out what the cost will be and whether you can afford to make the transition from work back into school.  A part-time job can help ease your financial situation and may even lead to other opportunities.  Try finding something through the University which is in your area of study in order to gain valuable experience.  There is nothing more frustrating than trying to find a job in your field with no practical experience.

Networking- Networking these days is over-rated.  It isn’t all that it is cracked up to be but a few great connections can prove to be a valuable asset further down the road.  Don’t just collect phone numbers, really connect with people and form relationships that have substance and meaning.  There should be give and take within these relationships, don’t just look at these people as a way to get something you want.  If you stick to the standard of collecting cards, you will see why social networking doesn’t work.

The road to your future is paved with the decisions you make today.  Tomorrow is a choice you make.  Only you have the ability to determine the path your life follows.  Taking the risk of quitting a job is a risk many are unwilling to take, no matter how unhappy they are with their jobs.  There could be nothing else in this world that we hate more than to have to walk through the Gates of Hell on our way to our desk, our drill press, our counter, our register, our dump truck, yet we still repeat the process each day.

Breaking the cycle is hard.  It is scary.  It is a process that requires thought and preparation, but at the end of the day, isn’t our happiness far more important than a paycheck?

In response to last week’s post regarding side hustles, and why everyone should have one, Amiyrah of 4 Hats and Frugal pointed me to one of her recent posts along with the following question:

Up until a few weeks ago, I also had a side hustle, and have pretty much always had one since I was 14. What I am wondering is, what are your thoughts on having to let go of side hustles? When life gets complicated or when the money your making doesn’t make up for the extra stress you are attaining?

It’s a great question, and one that I’ve pondered myself at times over the last couple years of maintaining side hustle in one form or another. For those who have never tried to maintain a second career, I can tell you that it is exhausting. Keeping up with your regular job AND a side hustle requires a lot of sacrifice, and sometimes that sacrifice far outweighs the benefits gained.

I certainly don’t have all the answers, but I like to think of side hustles as a temporary endeavor. Understand when I say temporary, I simply mean not permanent. You could work at your hustle for a few months, or a few years. But at some point something will have to give.

If you are like me and hustling to get out of debt, then debt freedom may be the point where you decide to step back and reevaluate things. With all debts eliminated, chances are you can afford to give up the side hustle and return to a “normal” work schedule, enjoying more free time when not engaged with your primary job.

If you are hustling to put a child through school, or save up for a down payment on a home, or some other finite financial goal, then chances are your end point is also fairly well defined. However, if you are working two jobs so one spouse can stay home with the kids, or so you can realize your dream of early retirement, or some other long-term financial goal, the hustle could become a permanent fixture in your life. And that’s the point when it could become a drain.

Side hustles are great for boosting your income, but they come with one major risk:  lifestyle inflation. As cash flow increases so does the temptation to increase spending. Pretty soon you start counting earnings from your part time career as part of your regular income. You can now afford that bigger house, and can easily make another car payment thanks to your side job. Be careful. This is a spending trap, and one that if you fall victim to, can lead to years of pain and financial suffering.

While working a side hustle do your best to keep spending flat. Throw your extra income at your goal, and only that goal, while resisting the temptation to use that money towards lifestyle spending. Once your goal is achieved, it will be much easier to evaluate your new financial picture, decide the things that are most important at that stage in your life, and make a clean break from your side hustle as Amiyrah appears to have done.

Always strive for balance in your financial life. Do not allow earning money to completely consume you, even if you are doing so for a noble goal. Debt can always be paid back a little slower, and savings can be accumulated a little longer. However, you only get one shot at maintaining your health and well-being, and your relationship with loved ones.

The following article contains condensed excerpts from $100K to Nothing – Layoff: My journey from a six figure income to the unemployment line in the worst economy of our time by Dan Holt. You can find out more about the book at www.100ktonothing.com.

Hi, I’m Dan and I’m unemployed. But it wasn’t always this way…I used to be employed, borderline overworked, and well compensated for my effort and effectiveness.

One pleasant spring afternoon, while enjoying lunch with my then 4 year old son, I received a phone call from my boss. I was not alarmed, because my boss resides on the West coast and I in Texas, so the 2 hour time difference often led to calls at odd hours. After taking a sip of water, I answered the phone and my boss paused before talking. A pause is never good. When bosses call, they speak their minds quickly so they can get on to other business. I was soon to find out how bad this pause was.

“Your position has been eliminated,” my boss said. Sure, there were some words before and after, but I don’t really remember them because these 5 words consumed my brain for the entire call-and for many weeks following. This was my first layoff, and although I am only 30 and the likelihood of another in the next 37 years is high, I hope it is my last.

After I calmed myself down, I thought about the best way to be laid off: the exit strategy that would be most beneficial to my future. I came up with these guidelines to help anyone else who faces a layoff, which seems to be everyone these days:

1. Ask for an explanation, but don’t expect or demand one. If you are laid off, you deserve a reason from your boss, but you often will not get one. Accept that fact quickly. If you belabor the point, you run the risk of harming the relationship with the person who will be your best reference to future employers-and you stand to gain little more than a vague excuse.
2. Maintain a professional image throughout the ordeal, only letting your guard down when you get home. The people you work with will also be references to give to future employers, and you need their last image of you to be as positive as possible. Crying and cursing as you’re escorted to the elevator would be a perfectly human response, but not a very strategic one.
3. Finally, let it go. Don’t spend your time over-analyzing what happened. A job search is tough, and exponentially so in this recession. You have too much work to do to waste your time thinking about the work you won’t be doing anymore.

As I read these words now, months after my downsizing, they seem simple. But at the time, there was nothing harder to do than suppress my emotions as much as I could and follow these steps. If you face it, this will be hard, but it will be the most advantageous thing you can do.

After all, telling your interviewer that she cannot contact your former employer or colleagues is a huge red flag, and with 14.5 million other unemployed people competing for the limited number of job openings, a red flag can mean elimination from the pool of applicants without even a chance to explain it.