The title sounds a bit like a shady law firm, doesn’t it? Actually, it’s meant to convey the emotions of this post’s topic. A topic I’ve thought a lot about recently, and one that another blogger covered in a recent post, The Guilt of Wealth. It deals with the emotions of money – from the shame of being poor, to the shame of being rich, and the greed and envy we feel in between those emotions.

Photo by ItzaFineDay

Are the rich really wrecking the planet? Or are we all guilty? Or is it just a select group who have taken advantage of our financial system to maximize personal gain? First of all, I don’t hate the rich. Wealthy people open businesses that create new jobs. They invest in new technologies that keep our economy humming along (or at least sputtering along, as it’s been here lately). Wealthy people are also often the greatest philanthropists. Bill Gates comes to mind. Think of the good that he and his wife, Melinda, have done for others through the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation.

I recognize that some wealthy people are not quite as giving. They often stomp on the little guy on their way to the top. They are shrewd. They take no prisoners. They lay off employees to save the company’s bottom line, and fatten their wallets. It’s safe to say there are plenty of examples on both sides of the argument.

The Evolution of Shame

Just a decade or so ago being poor was a great source of shame for many families. Most subscribed to the upward mobility theory that all of us should be striving to improve our economic lot in life. Those who didn’t were deemed lazy, unintelligent, or simply not properly motivated.

Slowly but surely things began to shift. A number of corporate scandals from Enron to Bernie Madoff left a permanent black eye on corporate America. No longer was it cool to be a member of the executive level. And then the government started bailing out many of these same corporate types who bailed out with their own golden parachutes, leaving behind a mess for someone else to clean up. The American public became fed up with the corner office. But has the pendulum swung too far?

With the help of the current administration and their unprecedented use of a pay czar responsible for oversight of executive compensation, we now have much more to say about the workings of corporate America than ever before. Is that a good thing? Well, that remains to be seen. But one thing is for sure, it has definitely put a freeze on the spread of capitalism.

Jealousy vs. Envy

We have all felt that little twinge when a friend brags about their new home, or their recent promotion. But I believe there are two fundamental types of jealous people. The first group of people is happy for their friend, and even if they are a little jealous, they recognize their friend has worked hard and with the same hard work they can aspire to similar accomplishments.

The second group of people are green with envy. They can’t be happy for their friend because they are not happy with themselves. If they can’t have something, then no one should have it. There have always been members of both groups, but in the last several years it seems the population of the latter group is growing.

How Does this Affect the Act of Building Personal Wealth?

There are many people out there dealing with shame because of their success. How can they be happy with the wealth they’ve accumulated when there are so many others out there in poverty? How can they be happy living in a beautiful new home when there are others out there homeless? It’s an interesting dilemma. But what’s lost in the worry over perception is the two factors that led to your success: hard work and luck. Yes, both are required for success.

Sherry left a comment on the post I mentioned in the opening that provided a pretty good analogy for this very dilemma:

Unless you amassed your wealth by stealing it from others, I do not understand why anyone would feel guilty. Don’t accept guilt you don’t earn. If you value something (like a charity) then give to support it. I am not wealthy (yet), but am certainly doing better than some of my siblings. However, I don’t feel guilty because of that. Why would I? It’s like feeling guilty that you [make] an A on a test because you studied, but your best friend only got a C.

Some work hard all their lives, but never get that break that separates those living paycheck to paycheck from those with a seven-figure nest egg. Some acquire wealth through inheritance, through lottery winnings, or some other windfall that didn’t require a great deal of hard work.

For every Paris Hilton in the world there are fifty entrepreneurs working 14-hour days for years to become an overnight success. They invest their life savings, give up their social life, and pour 100% of their energy into building a business month after month. Occasionally, someone hits it big and they can finally breathe. They are finally able to enjoy some of their wealth – buy a new home, a newer car, take a vacation or two, etc. Should we resent them for this success? Or should we hold these people in high regard and say to ourselves, “One day I’d like to be just like that guy!”

Money plays an important role in all our lives; the fact that you are on this finance blog reading an article on money illustrates that money is an important topic to you. Earlier I discussed the importance of money and asked if money is the means to an end or an end in itself for you, the responses were interesting to say the least. Although majority of readers said it’s a means to an end, their “reasoning” varied widely. Today’s question is what does money mean to you?

Meaning of Money to You

We are often so consumed by earning money that we forget to take a minute and think about what it means to us; how do we feel about money and how does it effect our lives. For some money is just a necessity, they need/want just enough money to meet life’s basics needs. To other’s money means freedom and independence. Take a minute and think about what money means to you.

What feelings does the thought of money bring up? Is it worry, joy, freedom, anger, power…?

Do you give a percentage of your income to a charity? Do you share your wealth or do you control other’s with money?

For me the meaning of money has changed over time, when I was very young my parents were well off and I enjoyed more luxuries than most of my friends, but my parents fought constantly over money. As I grew older my parents lost all their wealth and I spent my teens being fairly poor compared to my friends while my parents continued to fight over money and eventually divorced each other. At this stage I developed an extreme hate for money, the thought of money would make me angry. As I grew older and started to earn some money, the meaning of money changed for me. Now money is a tool for me, it’s a tool to accomplish things and get what I need/want. Does it mean freedom to me? No it does not and I do not understand those who say money means freedom to them, if your freedom is dependent on money how free are you really? Aren’t you enslaved to money and money is your master? What will happen when you lose your money?

Although the meaning of money to me has changed over time, it has not become a symbol for freedom or independence.  What is the meaning of money to you? Has it changed over time?

In an earlier post, I wrote that if you want to learn how to solve a problem, write about it.

So…eh…that’s why I’m writing this post. I need to solve a problem.

I’m not sure if writing (in and of itself) is going to do the trick this time. However, I do feel that your comments will be vital. Will you help me?

THE PROBLEM:

Several months ago, I hired Sally. She’s a highly respected and qualified consultant but she doesn’t seem to be keeping her end of the bargain. I pay her a monthly amount and she is supposed to help me take advantage of a very specific business opportunity. She is a guru in her field and she’s uniquely suited to do this job. It’s more economical for me to pay to have this service done than for me to try to do it myself.

Don’t get me wrong. She is providing value. In fact, her value exceeds the investment I make. But she isn’t delivering what she promised and she doesn’t deliver on a timely basis. She changes phone appointments at the last minute. Things are getting done much slower than promised. What’s worse, she always has an excuse and it’s starting to feel like I’m being lied to.

I like and admire this person. She’s considered an expert in her field, but it’s starting to really feel bad.

The problem has taken on a personal dimension. Maybe that’s my mistake. But I considered this individual more of an ally and friend than a hired gun. Someone who understood what I was trying to do and who is genuinely interested in helping me achieve my goals.

I think about this issue throughout the day. It really bothers me and it makes me a little sad. Sally’s advice is really good and helpful (when I get it) but the thought that I’m being lied to overshadows this. I feel rotten.

STEPS I’VE TAKEN

A few weeks ago, I sent an email to Sally and told her what needed to change. Her response didn’t address all my concerns but I let it go since she did address some of my concerns. I thought (or hoped) we were back on track.

Well….I was wrong. We aren’t on track. In fact, we’re more off track now than ever.

ALTERNATIVES

Let me reiterate, I have no interest in doing Sally’s job myself – I need to hire someone to do it and I have a budget for this. Firing this person and doing it myself is not an option.

My strong preference would be for Sally to get it together. I need her to do what she says she’s going to do when she says she’s going to do it.

If that doesn’t work, I have identified another person. Jim is very qualified but I don’t think he can replace Sally completely. She is pretty unique in her field. Since some of the work involves marketing, the connections that Sally has, makes her a very valuable asset and team member.

As I said before, if I was convinced I could replace Sally, I’d do it. But I’m afraid that if I do fire her, I won’t be able to replace the connections and brainpower she has.

How would you approach this problem?

Here’s are the steps I’ve come up with:

1. Send her a copy of this post.

I’ve really spelled it out here. I’m wearing my heart on my sleeve too. As an additional bonus, your comments may help light a fire under her (or my) rear.

2. Spell out exactly what it is that I want/expect/need and the time frame that it must be completed by.

In my earlier email, I didn’t do that.

Basically that will include a time line to complete certain tasks as well as a time line by which calls and emails should be returned.

3. Ask Sally if she can commit to that.

4. If she does commit and doesn’t live up to her commitments, move on no matter what.

In the past, I’ve had to let staff go. I used to have this tremendous fear that I was doing it prematurely and/or if I did fire the person, it would be impossible to replace them.

I no longer feel that way. I know that everyone is replaceable – even me. But for some reason, I am really hesitant to draw the line with Sally.

Have you ever been faced with a choice like this? How did you decide it was time to cut and run? Am I just being a girly-man?

Not too long ago, I shared with you a few of my fondest memories growing up camping with my frugal mentor, my grandfather.  We had some great adventures during those trips, but we had a few misadventures, too!  As I’ve reflected over them these last few months while thinking about sharing camping experiences with my own kids, one particular misadventure came to mind.  Like most everything, I try to find a way to apply the lessons learned to my personal finance situation, and this was an easy one.

This particular trip we decided to take my cousin along.  We traveled deep into the Smoky Mountains along the Blue Ridge Parkway, finally making camp at a campground near Mount Pisgah, a few miles south of Asheville, NC.  As my grandfather readied our campsite, my cousin and I decided to do a little exploring using a crude map of surrounding trails provided by the campground.

Not long into our hike my cousin was ready to call it quits. He was tired from the long day of driving, and was ready to turn back.  I wanted to press on, eager to complete the small hike around the perimeter of the campground. So, despite everything we knew about hiking, camping, etc, which wasn’t much, we decided to split up.  He would return to the campground, and I would finish the trail.

I quickened my pace, half expecting to beat him back to the campsite. But soon I came to a clearing with a number of poorly-marked trails leading back into a new set of woods. Uh oh. This didn’t look familiar on the map. I gouged a large “X” on a tree identifying the path I had come from (the only smart thing I did that day), made an educated guess as to which trail was the correct one, crossed the clearing, and re-entered the woods on a new path.

After walking nearly an hour, I realized I had made a serious mistake. Nothing was recognizable. There was no sign of campers, and it was eerily quiet, except for the footsteps I imagined in my head being made by a large black bear that was surely stalking my every move. I distinctly remember sitting down on a large rock next to the path, looking up at the sky and wondering how much daylight was left, and wondering if I should turn around.  I had no food, no water, and what was obviously a poorly-drawn map. I had a large survival knife, which would have been no match for a bear, and did little to ease my nerves.

After much deliberation, I decided to turn back.  I retraced my steps back along the new trail, and finally came to the clearing. I looked across the clearing and found the tree I marked with an “X.” I walked the original trail for some time before exiting the woods at the entrance to the campground.  By now I was moving in a slow, panicked jog.  I knew my cousin had to have returned to camp hours before, and that my grandfather must have been worried sick.  When I finally made it back to the campsite my cousin greeted me with an irritated, “Where have you been?  Papa has been out looking for you!”  Not long after I returned, my grandfather arrived riding with a Park Ranger.

Later that night we all agreed that I was lucky not to still be out in those woods – in the cold, lost, with no food or water.  I had never been happier to hunker down inside that van!  We look back at that experience now and laugh, but it certainly wasn’t funny at the time.  After having kids of my own, I had a new appreciation for the fear my grandfather must have had running up and down those trails looking for signs of his lost grandson.

Four Personal Finance Life Lessons Learned From My Adventure

1. Have a good plan, and stick to it.  Before setting out on my hike, I should have made more preparations by finding a better map, and packing a few basic supplies (including some food and water).  In life, it’s best to prepare for the worst case scenario, even if it isn’t pleasant to contemplate. Build a solid emergency fund.  Have a good insurance policy in place.  Have your wishes fully detailed in a will. Pay off debts to reduce the risk in your life.

2. Always use the buddy system.  The first mistake I made that day was leaving my hiking partner. In the world of family finances, it helps to have a partner to share your challenges, and your victories.  If you are in a relationship, be sure your significant other is “in the loop” when it comes to finances, rather than shouldering all the burden on your own.

3. Have a good idea where you’re starting. Just like the “X” carved into the bark of that tree, it is vital to make note of where we are coming from.  Baseline your finances before beginning a financial turnaround so that you can monitor your progress.  I talked to a guy once who was feverishly paying off debt with his wife.  I asked him how much debt they had paid off, and he couldn’t tell me. “We never really did an inventory of how much we owed, so we aren’t sure exactly how much we’ve paid off.”  To me, that would kill motivation because I am a results-oriented person.

4. When you find yourself moving in the wrong direction, stop moving.  How many times in your life have you recognized you are doing something wrong, but just kept doing it because stopping, or turning around, was too difficult.  We have all had those moments.  But the practice of simply stopping, taking an inventory of where you are and where you need to go, can often times make the difference in success or failure.

This post originally appeared back on April 7, 2008.  I wanted to run it again today to get some additional perspective from new readers, and because frankly, I needed a break to work on a special project. One note of interest, my rant about the government bailing us out of our financial problems was a good five months before they began doing just that.

A fellow writer recently asked, “Who do you blame for your financial problems?” One of the possible answers was “your parents.” I wonder how many people really blame their parents for their financial problems. I do believe parents play an important role in teaching life skills to their children, particularly when the public education system does such a poor job of preparing students for the real world. However, I don’t subscribe to a line of thinking that parents are to blame for poor choices made by willing adults. There is plenty of blame to spread around.

Lack of Financial Education in Public Schools

There has long been a serious void in public education when it comes to “real life” studies. And in no subject is this truer than the area of personal finances. We continue to teach kids to pass exams, to recite from memory, and to conform to so-called “advances” in new teaching methods. Despite noble efforts, educators are for the most part equipping our children with the wrong skills. Don’t believe me? When was the last time you used an algebraic expression to balance your checkbook, or calculus to solve your 1040 tax form? There is a place for those skills, however I believe that place is college, where it is required of students to indicate a path of studies that may require the knowledge of these higher levels of math and sciences (such as medicine, engineering, etc.). For the rest of us, a basic introduction to personal finance topics would be helpful to prepare for the perils of the adult financial world. Upon graduation, and many times before, students will be exposed to credit cards, predatory lenders, car salesman and if they work part time jobs, Uncle Sam’s maze of tax laws. We should push for an educational curriculum that teaches youth how to be responsible citizens, with their money and beyond.

Poor Role Models in the Media

The media is full of poor financial role models. Soap opera stars who live lives of luxury, but never seem to work for it. Entertainers and sports celebrities who earn ridiculous amounts of money and lead lavish lifestyles none of us could ever afford. Trust fund babies who spend entire decades partying and living it up while waiting for their inheritance. Unfortunately, these are the role models kids are attracted to. In their eyes Warren Buffet, Bill Gates and Dave Ramsey are just “some old guys they saw on the news.” As a society, we worship these celebrities and further highlight their irresponsible behavior by portraying their lives as something we should all aspire to – something that is within reach of the average person. Young people chase this ideal by buying cars, clothes, homes, jewelry and other elaborate goodies they see their idols purchasing. Pretty soon they find themselves in a real financial crisis with limited means to undo their mistakes.

Accountability Crisis

For the last several years we have had an “accountability crisis” in this country. People refuse to accept responsibility for their own misgivings, and shortcomings. The fault always belongs to someone else. You can easily detect this line of thinking in the responses made by those with “poor” attitudes. Don’t earn enough money? “Poor man just can’t get ahead.” Spending too much money? “Well if the government would bring prices down!” Can’t afford college? “College is only for rich people.” No one ever responds, “I’m broke because I want to be.” Or, “I can’t attend college because I am not willing to work for the money to attend.” Imagine how much better off we would all be if we stopped pointing fingers and took control of our own destiny. If we quit waiting on “the government” to pay for something, or bail us out of everything, or to save us from ourselves.

So maybe your parents weren’t the best example, and you did follow the wrong crowd financially growing up and made a few mistakes. Congratulations. You are human. We have all made mistakes. What separates you from serial failures is that you are willing to learn from those mistakes. You are willing to get smart on personal finance topics by reading magazines, books and blogs. You are willing to work extra to dig out from your own financial hole and change your family tree.  Quit waiting on someone else to save you, or someone else to blame it on. Take responsibility for your financial decisions, and start making better ones to provide a brighter future for yourself, and your loved ones.