There’s something about children that tugs at our heartstrings and makes us want to keep them safe and protect them from heartbreaks of any kind. That’s why we feel upset and sad when we see their big eyes fill with tears and their tiny faces scrunched with anger when we refuse them something they want.

How often have you shopped with your little one and found the experience nightmarish because your child wants everything he/she sets eyes on?

My niece does this, and it gets pretty embarrassing when she throws herself down on the floor and bawls her heart out when her mom refuses to buy her something. But no matter how hard the tears flow, no matter how long the tantrum continues, it’s not good to give in to the whims of your young one. Besides the fact that you cannot afford to buy them all that they ask, it sets a bad precedent if they learn that they can manipulate you with just a few tears and tantrums. If you face similar problems with your child, here’s how you could try to convince your child to behave better:

• Mean it when you say NO: If you give in when your child begins to act up, the same routine is going to repeat itself every time you go shopping. Your kid is going to get used to the fact that a few tears are enough to make you relent and buy whatever he/she wants.

• Don’t try to make it up to them by buying something else: Besides being a financially foolish move, it does not give you the advantage you need when you go shopping. Children are perceptive, and that’s why they will soon realize that they can get something out of a shopping trip by crying hard enough.

• Forget the incident once you leave the shop: Don’t harp about it or go on about the way your child behaved in the mall or shop. This will only make them more rebellious and determined to do it again.

• Talk to your youngster: If he/she is at an age where they can understand money, tell your child that you cannot afford to buy them all that they want because of your financial situation. If he/she is just a toddler, use the line that the product they want is not good enough, and that you’ll buy something better.

• Remember that kids forget easily: Your child will most likely forget the incident once you get out of the shop and stop for an ice cream or snack or see a clown on your way home. That’s the best part about children – they don’t hold grudges.

Learning to say NO to your child, for their own good, is a great way to instill the value of money in them at a very early age. Once they know that they cannot buy indiscriminately, they will learn the art of saving and spending money more wisely.

This post was contributed by Kimberly Peterson, who writes about the accounting degree online. She welcomes your feedback at KimPeterson2006 at gmail.com.

What a difference a few decades makes!  In the 1980’s capitalism was on the march as many technological advances were made.  An entrepreneurial spirit spread across the country.  That carried over into the 1990’s, and went into overdrive in the mid-to-late 90’s, where there were plenty of examples of on-paper employee millionaires thanks to hot IPOs, and “irrational exuberance” in the technology sector, particularly biotech companies.

Throughout this period the idea of frugal living was but an after thought, and those who practiced it were made fun of mercilessly.  We were labeled tightwads, cheapskates, and other not-so-polite terms of fiscal endearment.  After all, people were too busy comparing their net worth to try to save a buck.

Enter the recession of 2008.  Suddenly, frugal living made a comeback.  It seemed the cover story of every major media publication featured some variation of “ways to save money” or “ways to survive the recession,” or proclaimed the reemergence of frugality.  Now (some of) those same people scrambling for bigger houses, fancier cars and higher capital gains are trying to out-do one another again by scrimping, sacrificing, and poking fun at people’s purchases.  Nothing is ever frugal enough.

Sometimes the act of scaling back is traumatic enough to a family’s finances–cutting things altogether would send them over the edge.  Take my family for instance.  Last year we decided to go one year without expanded cable television service.  I wanted to cancel completely.  My wife and kids pointed out the number of educational shows we could watch on PBS, and the poor signal reception we would get from an antennae.  We compromised, and decided to drop back to basic cable, reducing our cable bill from $46 a month to $12 a month.  We made similar compromises in other areas of our budget.  At the end of the year, we decided to resume expanded cable and cut other subscriptions and forms of entertainment.

Here lately, I’ve noticed a shift in public sentiment towards frugality, and I suspect it may be a form of frugal burnout.  When people get burned out with a trend in their own lives, they tend to resent others who they perceive to be sacrificing less than them.  Many people are made to feel guilty if they are not practicing a frugal lifestyle.  Others are so condemned for spending money that they are literally ashamed to be seen with bags from high-end stores.  Give me a break.  Have we really come to that?

First of all, frugality is not a competition.  People have different levels of tolerance for all things frugal.  Some people like air conditioning, others enjoy working on classic cars.  They choose to spend their money on things that others perceive to be frivolous.  But that is simply a personal opinion, and how you choose to spend your money says more about your personal values than your level of commitment to the frugal living movement.

Of course, many of us practice frugality for reasons besides monetary gain.  We enjoy simple living, and believe in being wise stewards of resources (natural, economic, etc.).  But what you choose to do with your money is up to you.  Bottom line:  Please don’t become a self-righteous frugalist!

Susan writes in with the following question regarding kids and money:

We are a family of four on a single (decent) income and strive to be frugal and sensible.  How much is OK to spend on the kids while we’re raising them, and when is it not OK to sacrifice financial security?

My oldest son has high-functioning autism. He is nearly five and will enter Kindergarten in the fall. He is brilliant (learned to read at two and can easily multiply in his head) but has poor social skills.The school district we live in has an OK reputation for special-needs kids and it’s overall a good school compared to others in the city. However he will likely have the usual struggles that autistic kids have in a mainstream school setting.

We have the option of enrolling him in a school for kids with HFA. The tuition is $7000/year or $777/month over the nine-month school year. This is ALL the extra money we have per month to put towards debt and savings. But the teachers are well-trained, the curriculum specialized, and the student-teacher ratio is 5:1. The kids all have soaring self-esteems which is rare for kids on the spectrum.

We also have a toddler who is home nearly full-time.

When do you go all out for your child, and when do you say no for the sake of financial security?

Thanks for your question, Susan.  This question hit home for me for a couple reasons.  In addition to having some experience coaching an autistic child in youth sports, my own son was run through the usual battery of testing and evaluations to determine if he has autism.  While no definitive diagnosis was made, we did discover a number of related issues such as sensory processing disorder, and we learned a lot about conditions such as Asperger Syndrome and other autism spectrum disorders.

I tell you this up front because my personal experiences probably taint my otherwise financially objective response.  I would do anything for my son, and while his condition is not overly disruptive to our daily lives, we have sacrificed a few activities and altered our routine to accommodate him.  Fortunately, few of those alterations involve the kind of financial obligation you are faced with.

Many parents face similar dilemmas when living in a bad school zone, and the costs of private school are prohibitive.  What makes your situation unique are the special needs your son’s educators must be able to address to help in both his social and educational development.  From the sounds of it, you are not completely confident you can find that in your public school system.

Taking emotion out of the discussion (as if that is possible when talking about our kids), let’s look at the financial implications of sending your son to his special school.  $777 a month is a significant obligation to take on.  When you break it down further, that amount represents roughly $200 a week in reduced spending, increased earnings, or some combination of the two.  While you could put your debt repayment and savings goals on hold, this would be detrimental to your overall financial plan, and could potentially place a financial burden on your kids as they get older and have to help you.

Instead, I would suggest you think of some creative ways to both come up with that extra $200 a week, and ways to cut your spending even further.  Could you cancel the cable?  Sell a second vehicle?  Take a part time job in the evenings?  Start a side hustle from home?  Adjust your tax withholding to prevent a refund?  It may take some drastic measures to drum up the extra money, but it sounds like you are willing to make the sacrifice.

I would also talk to the school about any scholarship opportunities, or employment opportunities for you that could reduce tuition (this might be particularly helpful when your youngest is in school full time).  Perhaps you could do some administrative work for the school, or substitute teach after being certified, or your husband, or another family member, could do some technology work for them in exchange for tuition. Solicit help from relatives.  Investigate options such as 529 savings accounts where grandparents, aunts and uncles can make contributions to your son’s educational expenses–and funds may be withdrawn tax free. I’m brainstorming here, and I realize some of these options may or may not apply.

The bottom line is to talk things over with your spouse and make sure you are in agreement with the decision.  That is half the battle.  Then focus on ways to make it happen, without doing irreperable harm to your own financial future.

The subject of kids and money is an emotional one for many people.  Most of us would do anything for our kids, and often times that means doing things like sacrificing our own financial well-being to secure an education for our children.  Others continue to help their adult children, financially, for many years into adulthood rather than contributing to their own retirement.

Helping children while we’re still here is one thing, but what about after we are gone?  If we have managed to build wealth throughout our lifetimes, should we pass that wealth along to our children, or is to do so to discourage them from becoming self-starters?  There is no right or wrong answer here, as much of it has to do with personal situations such as how you were raised, and how you came into wealth.

I do like Warren Buffet’s quote from a couple years ago, repeated in the USA Today article, Should kids be left fortunes, or be left out?  Buffet said about leaving money to kids, “wealthy parents should leave their children with enough money to do anything they want but not so much that they are doomed to do nothing at all.”

We’ve seen plenty examples of “doomed” kids, financially. Paris Hilton comes to mind, although she has managed to market herself as she got older to generate some of her own wealth, rather than relying solely on family fortune.  Of course, it could also be said that the last name Hilton has contributed to her success.

While I doubt I’ll ever have a fortune near that of the Hiltons, I do hope to have something to pass along to future generations.  And why not?  The money my wife and I leave our kids and grandkids could be a downpayment on a new home, or provide the seed capital for them to start a new business.  It likely won’t be enough to retire on, but I would like to think it would be enough for them to chase some dreams.

Often times we think of inheritances as opportunities for our kids to buy new sportscars, or a Harley, or a lavish vacation home.  The truth is that if we have managed to raise kids with many of our same frugal values, they will more than likely put that money to good use.  Imagine leaving enough to pay for a grandchild’s education, or the down payment on a starter home?  Imagine leaving enough for your kids to pay off their mortgage and experience debt freedom for the first time in their lives.  These are the types of things that motivate me to build enough wealth to leave behind, not just to my family, but to people and causes that I care about and want to leave a very small legacy.

What say you?  Should parents leave money to their kids?

This is a guest post from MLR @ My Life ROI. If you like this post, check out his website or subscribe to his feed. I would like to thank Frugal Dad for allowing me this opportunity and I hope you all enjoy the post!

One thing that separates me from a lot of personal finance bloggers is that I have never been in massive debt. I never went through that “wake up” period where I looked at my bank account and noticed it was $1,500 overdrawn. And then only to realize my credit cards were maxed out. Sure, I have had my fair share of sticky situations where I had to step back, assess my situation, nervously laugh to myself, and then work on getting back to my yellow brick road. But never massive debt. So what could I possibly share that is worth reading?

My parents, and particularly my father (a daddy’s boy, you could say), taught me some very important financial lessons, if not life lessons. I have combined those lessons with my experiences that I have gathered from high school, college, and the past few years in the workforce since I graduated from college. I have a very analytical frame of mind so I like to breakdown situations into consumable sections. And if I had it my way their would be a lot of numbers.

I find that my posts are probably best for the 16-35 year olds out there who are looking for some useful information. And parents who are looking at ways to connect with their kids. And we have reached a full circle… this all comes back to the three most influential lessons my parents taught me. I hope some of you parents out there can use these lessons to connect with your kids. And if my peers never got these lessons from your parents, I hope some of you can also digest this information for your own betterment!

Lesson #1: Want is not need.

Photo courtesy of babasteve

I was not a particular needy child. My Christmas list usually only consisted of one or two things. My mother tells me stories from when I was a young’n. She used to love buying me gifts. And I loved tearing through them. But once I opened them all up I would take the two things I wanted and go to my room… leaving the rest of the gifts to sit under the tree lonely. I guess I was just quirky like that.

But boys will boys and every now and then I would see something in a store that caught my eye. I would demand it. I NEEDED it. I would go over every reason in the book as to why I needed it and how detrimental it would be if I did not get it. My parents could have easily purchased me these gifts. After all, I did not ask for much, right? However, I am glad they did not enable my behavior no matter how infrequent it was.

My parents always talked to me in a logical manner explaining to me why it was not something that was needed. They did this from a young age and continued it until I was an adult. A typical conversation between a 14 year old me and my pops would go:

Dad: So you need this baseball that clocks your speed for $40?

Me: Yes! How else will I know if I am ready to pitch when I get to high school?!

Dad: Do you and your coach feel comfortable with how you are developing?

Me: Yes.

Dad: Do you think you are a league above your peers when you pitch?

Me: Yes.

Dad: Then what does your speed matter? I’ll take you by a batting cage once a year and clock your speed for $1.

Me: Ugh, fine.

My dad never once said “No!” That would ensue in a fight. Teenagers, and even younger kids, are more logical than we sometimes give them credit for. My dad must have had the patience of a saint because he was always willing to discuss these little issues with me. But in the end, what did I gain?

Now when I look at purchasing an item that I think I need, or maybe just really want, I really break the item down into a bunch of questions I know my dad would ask. Are there any cheaper alternates, like the batting cage once a year instead of a baseball that clocks your speed and will probably break after 20 throws? To you this is a simple discussion. To a kid who is starting to develop his outlook on the world this is a very influential lesson.

Lesson #2: TINSTAFL, There Is No Such Thing As a Free Lunch.

Photo courtesy of D’Arcy Norman

Every now and then the aforementioned lesson would not work on me. But still, my dad never gave me an outright “No!” Every now and then he and I would discuss the merits of a particular purchase and wind up in a stalemate. And that is where we would stay. He never acted as if he had a mystical overpowering veto that would end all discussion. But at the same time he didn’t agree with what I was doing so I knew I needed to work for it.

If I trace my interest in business and entrepreneurship back I think it would all start at age 8. I wanted a new bike because my dad purchased me a Huffy and other people in my neighborhood had Specialized and Diamondback bikes. For those of you who do not know, a Specialized or Diamondback bike is usually leagues above a Huffy. Looking back I can’t blame him. I was a 8 year old who was taking my bike into the woods and building jumps that probably made my spokes shake in their sockets.

But I was determined to get a new bike. As I am sure you are used to hearing from your child, I needed it. I started informing all of the neighbors that I would do any work for them. I would shovel snow, cut grass, rake leaves, pull weeds, take out trash, or help with any other job they wanted assistance on. I once had a neighbor who paid me to lay new bricks along their front garden. It actually wound up being considerably hard work and I am pretty sure they got a bargain. I was getting money steadily. I decided to expand my business and started doing fresh squeezed lemonade and apple stands. I stole the apples from my neighbor’s tree and my dad made the lemonade for me. It was probably a losing proposition but I guess he just liked seeing me put so much effort into a goal. Sales were not good, my street had no road traffic. I went door-to-door selling this lemonade. (Note: This was a neighborhood where everyone knew everyone and my dad stayed outside as I did it)

After a few months I think I lost sight of my end goal. But I kept doing these jobs in order to get money because I liked having my little piggy bank full of money. Between all of the jobs I was doing around the neighborhood and all of the money I collected from the dryer I had enough money for a new bike within about 6 months. My dad reminded me at this point and we went to the bike store in town. I looked around and found the bike I wanted. I was sure it would be better than all of my friend’s bikes.

Let me guess what you are thinking… my dad either bought it for me or I wasted all of my money on it? Nope. I got gun shy and realized I was about to spend 6 months of hard work on a single possession that I would use to skid around (kill the tires), go off jumps (kill the shocks and spokes), crash into curbs (warp the wheels and bend the spokes), and otherwise just ruin it. I decided I wanted to save the money for something more deserving of my money. I kept my Huffy.

My dad did not make me work, he gave me the opportunity to work for something I wanted. By working I realized the value of a dollar and looked at purchases in a different way… even at a young age.

Lesson #3: The best time to plant a tree was 30 years ago, the second best time is now.

Photo courtesy of woodleywonderworks

What did my dad and I do a few days after I rejected the idea of buying a new bicycle? We went to our local bank, Bank of America. My dad opened me up a joint savings and checking account that only I would deposit and withdrawal from. My dad may have planted the idea in my head but I remember it as being my idea. I saw my dad go to the bank all of the time to get money and he had explained the concept to me plenty of times. I liked the idea of having my money locked up for safekeeping while still letting me access it when I needed it. The piggy bank was getting full, anyways.

I opened up my bank account and over the next 8 years I would give my dad money and a deposit slip anytime I earned some. He would take it to the bank when he was going for his own reasons. And that is where my life into personal finance really started… at the ripe age of 8.

My dad always made it clear that I wanted to have a safety cushion in that bank account. He would say things like “What happens when you are 16 and need a car?” Because of the TINSTAFL lesson the idea never crossed my mind that I was guaranteed a free car just for being born to the man. Now, he was not as rough as he may seem and he did wind up helping me out with a car. It was a used Dodge Neon. It also happened to be a hand me down from my sister. I got a great deal as I only had to pay for gas and insurance since the car was already paid off. Now that I look back at it, though, I am pretty sure my dad completely subsidized my insurance payments. But the idea remained constant, he wanted to make sure I understood that nothing was free.

By the time I was 16 I had a few thousand dollars saved up. This was all earned through hard work and some holiday presents. I was continuously educated by my dad that I was ahead of the game and that everything I did now was worth tenfold down the road.

How well did these lessons carry on?

Once I got my car at 16 I went on to work part-time all throughout high school. I worked at a restaurant as a dish guy, bus boy, and waiter and Best Buy as a salesman after that. I started earning actual money rather than side money for little yard projects. I, just like any kid, made mistakes with my money. I don’t think I really needed that $800 sound system in my Neon (Best Buy employee prices, have you!).

But I continued to work and continued to save.

I wound up choosing a state school, the University of Maryland. Why? It was ranked in the top 20 for my intended major and I wanted to pay my way through school. I found accomplishment in not having to ask my parents for money.

I worked throughout college. The main job that paid for my school was running an exterior painting company. I made enough money in two summers to pay for 3 years of school plus a two month trip across Europe. I also wound up working for some other companies, one of them being UPS. UPS was HARD work but it looked great on my resume.

And what am I driving? A 2004 Hyundai Accent with 86,000 miles on it. Even after being in my career for a few years I have not caved to the pressures of my neighbors with Specialized bikes co-workers with brand new Mustangs.

I would say these lessons were pretty influential, what do you think? Did your parents teach you anything that you would add to the list?