God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
the courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference.

These last few months have been trying times for me, personally and financially.  Several things have happened to create sort of a “perfect storm” in my life and when that happens I always look for some piece of inspiration–something to keep me on track. I found that peace in The Serenity Prayer, and have applied its lessons to my personal finances and beyond.

God Grant Me the Serenity To Accept the Things I Cannot Change

Stop and think for a moment about all the things that are currently causing stress in your financial life.  I bet there are quite a few you have control over, like overspending or expensive car payments.  But if you are like me there may be other things that are outside of your control, yet they continue to cause stress. Here are some examples I have witnessed recently from others:

• The stock market losses.  If you are in the market for the long haul there is little you can do to hedge against these wild swings (mostly downward swings) over the last few months.  Instead of worrying over stock tickers incessantly, try to put it out of your mind and remember that you have a long-term perspective.
• Political landscape.  I’m not the best one to be advising others not be stressed over politics.  I used to be a politics junkie, listening to talk radio and news most of the day.  But over the last couple years I have unplugged from a lot of it.  Politicians on both sides of the aisle have abandoned fiscal conservatism, as the recent bailouts have shown, and the more I listen to politicians finding ways to spend our hard-earned tax dollars, the higher my blood pressure gets!
• The financial situation of others.  Many people lie awake at night and worry over other people’s financial problems–their parents, their kids, their best friend, etc.  While it is healthy to show some concern, it is healthier to recognize that they make their own decisions freely, and the best thing you can do is be a supportive father, son or friend.

The Courage To Change the Things I Can

When you have identified the things you do have control over you must find the courage to make changes in your life.  For example, if you are unhappy with your current salary, what strategies are within your control to increase that number?  Chances are your boss isn’t just going to give you a raise for no reason.  You may have to return to school to finish your degree, or agree to take on some additional training related to your job.  You may have to start your own side hustle.  All of these things take courage because they are outside of our comfort zone.

The Wisdom To Know the Difference

Most of us are aware of the types of things that cause us stress, and the thing that don’t.  The challenge is placing a new challenge in our lives into one of those two categories.  It is this “wisdom to know the difference” that makes ALL the difference.  Chances are right now you are worrying over things that are not within your control, and not worrying about things that are within your control.

I encourage you to reflect on the things that are now causing stress in your life.  Take some time to jot them down on a piece of paper, and then really search deep down to figure out which column they belong in–things you cannot change, and things you can.  Then get busy developing a plan to change those things you can.  You will feel better just for having gone through the exercise.

photo by artfulblogger

I try to keep things positive here at Frugal Dad, but admittedly even I do occasionally get down.  I grow weary from the coming and going of the corporate rat race.  At times I get down about so much of my income going towards becoming debt free (it is a noble goal, but there are other things I’d rather be doing with money than paying off banks!).  And every now and then I just get bummed for no apparent reason.

However, in memory of the indomitable spirit of Randy Pausch, who passed away last Friday after losing his battle with pancreatic cancer, I’m dedicating today’s post to ways to get fired up about life!  Since I was a kid I’ve always found inspiration in movies, books, music, and particularly in the inspirational stories of others.  YouTube has sort of provided a combination of two or three of those mediums, and I have a few favorite videos bookmarked to help lift my spirits when I get down.  Maybe you have been feeling a little blue here lately, and could use a boost as well.

The Last Lecture.  Randy Pausch, a professor at Carnegie Mellon and husband and father of three, was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer last August and only given a few months to live.  He gave this last lecture on September 18, 2007, just a month after his diagnosis.  Pausch was interviewed on Good Morning America on May 19, 2008, nine months after his diagnosis, and the day of his surprise return to Carnegie Mellon’s graduation ceremony.  His story, and in particular this final lecture, are a powerful reminder of the strength of the human spirit.  Randy Pausch died July 25, 2008, just a few days removed from the time of this post.  I followed Pausch’s story after first seeing his “Last Lecture” some time ago.  He will be missed.

Life Lesson:  There is always someone out there going through something more difficult than you, and many times doing it with a better attitude.  Remember, sometimes we can’t control the things that happen to us, but we can control how we respond to them.

Perseverance, and a Father’s Love.  The stage was the 1992 Barcelona Olympics.  Sprinter Derek Redmond was picked to win gold in the 400-meter event, but he tore a hamstring about half way through the race.  After taking a knee for a moment, the injured Redmond began to hobble around the track in an effort to finish the race, long after the winner had crossed the finish line.  He is greeted by his father after the last turn, who helps him cross the finish line, waving off help from trainers and track officials.  It was a beautiful moment.

Money Lesson:  The journey towards financial freedom can be a long one, especially if you are starting out in a significant hole.  But every single step forward is a step towards the finish line.  Don’t be afraid to accept help from loved ones along the way.

Where is Matt?  I included this one because it is such a unique video, and an interesting example of the power of internet marketing.  Matt is a 31 year-old, self described “deadbeat’ from Connecticut who quit his job a few years ago and spent time just wandering around the world.  While traveling he recorded himself doing a dance at various destinations, and put the video online when he came home.  A few people found the video, it got passed around and soon Matt was the owner of a popular video.  Stride Gum contacted him and asked him to take another trip around the world, this time on their dime, and recreate the dance with other people.  A video sensation was born. At the time of this writing the month-old video has received nearly 8 million views on YouTube.  (found this one via Brip Blap)

Another Life Lesson:  Sometimes things that seem silly to us may resonate with others.  Sure, the dance is a little goofy, but the message behind the dance is inspiring.  I asked my daughter what she thought the video meant and she said something profound.  “I guess it means that no matter where you are if you are happy and start to dance then others will dance with you.”  Well said.

Do you have any personal favorites you’d like to share with others?  Feel free to drop it in the comments below.

It is becoming more and more difficult for me to watch any form of television news.  The other day I was in a doctor’s office and one of the 24-hour cable news channels was blaring from the waiting room television.  They cited an article from the Minneapolis Star Tribune that asked the rhetorical question, “Why are we so miserable?“  The commentators when on to cite gas prices, a down economy, the war in Iraq, inflationary fears, declining home values, and the rising costs of health care and food all as sources of our collective misery.  I surveyed the waiting room and several people were silently nodding their heads in agreement.

Over the next hour or so every single news segment presented had a negative slant.  They documented families passing up on vacation because of high gas prices.  They found a couple out and about who were all too happy to tell us about their mounting credit card debt, and falling home value.  I’m not naive to think that people are not really impacted by all these economic factors, but I can’t help but wonder if we shouldn’t be more responsible for our own happiness.  When did we turn the job of making ourselves happy over to politicians and media pundits?

The Pursuit of Happiness

Our founding fathers had it right when they documented our inalienable rights to “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness” in the Declaration of Independence.  They did not guarantee our happiness, but guaranteed our freedom to go after the things that made us happy.  The execution of that plan would be up to us, but we now look to others to create happiness for us.

I am happy.  My family is happy.   There is little anyone in Washington, or in the media, could do or say to change that.  From a broader perspective, we are fortunate to live in an era of unprecedented personal wealth with high salaries, a healthy job market and access to one of the finest health care systems in the world.  That’s not to say our systems are without flaws, but when compared to other parts of the world, or other periods of history, we have it pretty well off.  I am free to move my family from one corner of the country to the other if we so desired.  I make a choice every morning about where I get up and go to work.  And if I find myself hating that job I am free to go look for another job that I love.  If I can’t find one I am free to work from home, be a full time parent, or start my own business.  I was provided public education through the 12th grade, and given all the opportunities that went along with it to learn and participate in extra-curricular clubs and sports.  I freely chose where to attend to college, who I married, where to buy a home, what type of car to drive, and what programming I watch on television (a shrinking list, these days).

I guess what I’m trying to say is that we as Americans take many of these freedoms and opportunities for granted.  As a society we’ve survived civil war, two world wars, a great depression, recessions, real estate bubbles, gas shortages, and terrorist attacks on our country and our interests worldwide.  We will survive these rough times as well.  We will persevere.  It may take a little longer to bounce back than the most impatient of us would like, but it will happen, eventually.

Are You Better Off than You Were Eight Years Ago?

The media likes to ask this question in the frame of a dig against the lame duck occupant in the oval office.  No one is spared, regardless of their political party affiliation.  But it is a ridiculous question when you think about it.  Are you better off now than you were eight years ago?  Yes, I am.  In eight years I’ve been blessed with two wonderful children, made a career change to a more enjoyable line of work, relocated to a new city, earned raises from my employer, returned to school to finish my undergraduate education, and enjoyed the development of new technologies. Those sources of my happiness had very little, if anything, to do with what is happening in Washington, D.C.

And if I had answered no, I am not better off today than I was eight years ago, who would I have to blame? I guess I could start with myself.  If I had not pursued the completion of my education I may not have been able to change jobs, move to a new city, and enjoy salary increases along the way.  If I had not married my soul mate I would not have been blessed with two wonderful kids.  These moves did not come without sacrifice.  We racked up some debt to cover the additional costs of my attending school.  I spent many nights away from my family sitting in a classroom (until I discovered the joys of online education).  I stuck it out at a job I didn’t like because I needed the benefits and earnings to pursue my education because I knew it was the path to something better.  I spent many weekends locked away in a study room at a local library preparing for tests, writing papers, and reading monotonous text books.  I could have simply given up.  I could have skipped all forms of reading and learning, and been content coming home from my dead-end job and parking myself in front of the television for six hours watching mindless television programs.  But I was too busy pursuing happiness, and thankfully I found it.

One of the nice things about maintaining a blog is that it creates sort of an online journal to track the major milestones in your life. I imagine in the coming months and years that I will share many goals with readers, and you will share a few with me. Hopefully, we’ll celebrate together the accomplishment of a few of those goals and reflect on how far we’ve come. So here is a post from my future self, twenty years down the road. Technologies will likely change many times along the way, so this might be a good one to print off and slip in a keepsake folder.

Dear Frugal Dad:

The year is 2028 and here you are, 50 years-old, a little wiser, a little wealthier, but certainly not any better looking. You’ve made some progress along the way, and hit a few bumps in the road on your journey (thank goodness for that emergency fund, huh?). Back in 2008 you identified a few areas of your life you would like to change, so let’s see how you did.

I’m So Glad You Became Debt Free

Next to marrying your soul mate and having kids, this might be the best thing you ever did! You’ve been living credit card and student loan debt free since about 2009, and you finally paid that mortgage off early in 2018 (it took a little longer than you planned). So for the last nine years you have been living a totally debt free lifestyle. Fun, isn’t it? Just the other day you sat down to pay bills. Let’s see, there was the cable bill, the wind-farm cooperative bill (I think you guys used to call this the “power” bill), cell phone payment, and insurance. Am I forgetting one? No, that’s it. Budget in a little for food and fun and you are living well under 50% of your $220,000 earnings (don’t get too excited, remember those years of inflation after 2009 – whew, rough times).

If You Bought that House, I’d Still Be Broke

Remember back in 2013 when you were thinking about upgrading the family to the all-brick two story around the corner with the pool, finished basement and huge corner lot? I know it was a sweet deal, but good thing you didn’t follow through. The next year you lost your job when robots took over the software industry (who knew?), but between the emergency fund and that little blog you started up a few years earlier you were fine until you landed on your feet a few months later.

Thank You for Leaving the Stressful Job

It wasn’t easy changing gears after the software industry debacle, and you really jumped from the frying pan into the fire joining that square foot gardening kit startup company that promised to solve world hunger for only $149.95 a box. I know they offered a sweet deal, but you didn’t really think that would take off, did you? Thankfully, you recognized the worldwide sales calls and time spent away from the wife and kids wasn’t worth a six-figure salary. After your resignation you made a smart move writing about the whole process and inking your second book deal. After that interview on the Larry King show (yes, the man is still alive, and still hosts a show!) things really took off.

Good Thing You Started Working Out Again

I know you put this down as a stretch goal, but we ought to mention it here. You said you wanted to lose 50 pounds and get in better shape. Well, you finally did it, but not until you gave up Coca Cola and those late-night scavenger hunts for Little Debbie snack cakes. In fact, you lost closer to 60 pounds, and now you are in the best shape of your life. You don’t have a problem keeping up with your grandkid’s soccer team.

This summer you and the family will retreat to that cabin you bought in the Smoky Mountains. If it weren’t for the kids and grandkids you would probably just move there. After all, now that you are financially independent it doesn’t really matter where you live. What a far cry this lifestyle is from the one back in 2008!

Not much else to report from 2028. Oh, there is one more thing. Your team finally won the national championship playoffs five years after they got rid of the BCS. I know you aren’t a gambling man, so I feel comfortable telling you this news without fear of you blowing your life savings on such a safe bet (hint, hint). See you in twenty years.

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Last Friday I’m riding around town fretting over the cost of gas, the cost of food, and my yet-to-arrive economic stimulus check. I heard something on a talk radio program so profound that I nearly had to pull off to the side of the road to write it down. The substitute host for the Neal Boortz show, Herman Cain, had just wrapped up a call from someone lamenting the nation’s low happiness factor. Apparently, some statistician recently determined that most American’s are unhappy. I personally believe despite the negative media we have much to be happy about. Cain went on to describe his three personal keys to happiness, and I have adopted them as well. My mood instantly improved the moment I heard these three ideas.

photo by heydrienne

The Three Keys to Happiness

1. Something to Do. How many times have we felt unhappy with life because we simply had too much idle time? I know it has happened in my own life. When I get bored, I get down, and I only snap out of it when I start to get busy again. The thing is, we have to recognize this pattern and stay busy to keep our mood elevated. Find a hobby. Volunteer your free time. Learn to cook. Coach youth sports. There are endless possibilities for “something to do” if we take the time to look.
2. Something to Love. Friends and family are such an important element to our ultimate happiness. During a traveling phase at my last job I spent a number of lonely nights hundreds of miles away in a hotel room on business. I was in foreign surroundings, working in a job I didn’t particularly like, in an industry I didn’t believe in (credit/financial services). The one source of inspiration to get through those nights was my family. Even though my career situation has since improved, I still think of my wife and kids when I get down and can’t help but smile. If you are single, you may have a best friend that always knows just how to pick you up, or make you laugh when you want to cry. Pets can even be an incredible source of companionship, there to greet you at the end of a long day. I’ve had pets most of my life and marvel at their willingness to love us unconditionally.
3. Something to Hope For. Everyone should have something to hope for. Something that drives them towards a goal. It’s been said that if you aim for nothing, you’ll hit it every time. Have something to aim for; a dream that you hold close and never let completely out of sight. When people lose hope they get complacent, and complacency often leads to a poor attitude. This self-perpetuating cycle of negativity can lead to serious depression, and ultimately harm cherished relationships. I know, I’ve been in a rut myself and I lost sight of the dreams I once held close. But all hope is never lost, you just may have to work a little harder temporarily to catch up and see those dreams around the next corner again.

“The only difference in a rut and a grave is six feet.” If you find yourself in a rut, stop digging. Start moving in the direction of your dreams and things will begin to improve. If your goal is debt freedom, stop charging to your credit cards and start paying all you can pay on outstanding debts. Do not be overwhelmed by the distance to the finish line. If your goal is to lose weight, do not focus on how far you are from your goal weight. Instead, take it one day, one meal, one bite, one workout at a time and begin to move in the direction of your dreams.

The bottom line is we are responsible for our own happiness. Government programs, promises from elected officials, and pats on the back from bosses may offer temporary mood boosts, but ultimately happiness is a self-induced state of mind. Be responsible for your own happiness.

Please share your personal keys to happiness in the comment section below.

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