My wife and I got married last July in what turned out to be an amazing day. She looked beautiful, I looked stunning and we had a great time. The last thing on our mind that day was opening up a joint checking account or consolidating our auto insurance. However, as soon as we returned from the honeymoon, the focus shifted to getting things done. We moved into a new apartment and the week after that, I was heading off for five weeks of training. We had little time and a lot to do. So, for all of you newlyweds out there, I will make it easy for you and let you know what you should get done financially.

Talk to Human Resources

One of the first things we did was to add me to my wife’s benefits at work. When you have a life changing event such as marriage or having a child, you are allowed to change your benefits. This can save your a good chunk of change. I estimate that it saved us approximately $100 per month since I was on individual health insurance.

You should also change the beneficiaries on your benefits. Change the beneficiary of your life insurance and retirement plans to your new spouse.

Change Your Auto/Homeowners/Renters Insurance

Changing your auto insurance (or any insurance) and putting both of you names on one policy can save you a substantial amount of money. When my wife and I did this, I estimate that we saved about $1,000 over a year. My wife had a couple dents on her driving record and if she were to get insured by herself, it would have cost about $1,200 a year. Add that with my $1,000 policy and you are up to $2,200. When we went to purchase a policy together and they said our premium would be $1,200, I was shocked. I guess being married shows some responsibility!

Combine the Cash

People have different opinions on this, but I recommend getting a joint checking account. It forces you to keep each other accountable for the money that’s being spent.

Marriage is a team effort and your finances should be no different.

Have a Financial Meeting

Hopefully, you did this BEFORE getting married. Either way, you should sit down again and come up with a game plan. I recommend creating a financial mission statement. In it, you can set your financial goals, determine how you are going to achieve them and find ways to stay on track.

If you are bring debt into the marriage, the new living arrangements and two incomes can help free up a good amount of cash. Use that extra cash to pay off debt fast!

Update Your Wills

If you have a will or are bringing children into the marriage, make sure you update your will to document your new wishes. Obviously, as things change, so does your need for proper estate planning.

Well, there you have it. Those are the things that I came up with (and did). Can you think of other things that may need to get done or should be change with a new marriage?

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But preferred temperature settings could be blamed more on biology than bad frugal habits. A recent article, The Thermostat War, And 6 More Silly Compromises, quotes the Georgetown University Center for the Study of Sex Differences in Health, Aging and Disease as saying, “We have lots of data showing that women generally are far more sensitive to feelings of cold.” That’s certainly the case in the Frugal household.

What are the areas where men and women share differing ideas on frugality?

Clipping coupons. This one may be more a gender stereotype, but I used to get some strange looks when I pulled out the coupon binder at the checkout. Maybe because couponing has traditional been an activity headed up by the woman of the house, in the capacity of CFO of the household. These days, more men are sharing these duties and I say that’s a good thing.

Water usage. Water usage rolls several fringe frugal topics up into a potential marriage squabble. I know men who brag about 2-minute showers and their refusal to run the water while shaving or brushing their teeth to “conserve water.” The same men run their sprinklers twice a day for half an hour per zone because they want the greenest lawn on the block. Go figure.

Toilet paper. Entering dangerous territory here. Since the number of males and females are even in my house, I feel fairly confident making the statement women use more toilet paper than men. However, it is a battle that should simply be conceded by men. And whatever you do, never remind your significant other that Sheryl Crowe can get by with one square per “incident.” Trust me; it’s not pretty.

Shopping. I love my wife dearly, but we have agreed to disagree on shopping strategies. I’m more of a get in and get out kind of shopper. What can I say, I don’t like stores. I don’t like window shopping, “just browsing,” or any other unproductive forms of shopping. On 99% of my trips to a store I’m armed with a list (mental or otherwise) of the few things I need. My mission is to enter the store, roundup the few things I need, and exit as quickly as possible. I’ve made it sort of a game. My wife, on the other hand, snakes in and out of every single aisle in case she sees something she forgot to put on the list.

Money. Finally, something men and women can agree on. Then why so many money fights? The differences in men and women and their handling of money are well-documented, so I won’t rehash it all here. However, from the perspective of living frugal, I have to concede that most women are far better at living the frugal life than men. Sorry guys.

Women as generally less impulsive with major buying decisions (think appliances, not shoes and purses). Women prefer larger amounts of emergency savings, and less risky investments. Dave Ramsey often credits a “security gland,” only found in women, for this desire to minimize risk. Personal experience leads me to agree.

Just about every bone-headed move I’ve made with money followed a “I’m not sure that’s a good idea” statement from my wife. When I ignored her, I crashed and burned – from stock picks to business ideas to financing that Chevy Silverado.

You think I would have learned my lesson, but men are equipped with an equally strong, equally empowering “stubborn gland,” which causes us to ignore all reasonable objections, throw caution to the wind and “just go for it.” Sometimes it pays off, but most times it doesn’t.

My wife and I make a good team. I’ve encouraged her to take a few more risks, and she’s encouraged me to be more conservative. I don’t mention toilet paper, and she ignores the sprinklers. We both clip coupons, but we usually spend them in separate shopping trips.

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So in the interest of shopping harmony, I offer up the following tips for women who haven’t given up on the idea of their husband or boyfriend joining them on this year’s Christmas shopping expedition.

1.  Do not take him to a store that you know he does not like. There are only a few places I absolutely refuse to go. One is Bath and Body Works. You can smell the place from the mall parking lot! And once inside I can almost guarantee the onset of a blinding headache or an asthma attack from the aromatic collection of fruity lotions.

2.  Give us a list of items and turn us loose.  Men, by nature, are hunter/gatherers. Give me a list of items you want me to bring back and challenge me by saying something like, “Oh nevermind, you’ll never find it” and then turn me loose! Be forewarned, I may bring back the wrong brand, size or color, so if you want specifics, say so!

3.  Avoid crowded stores. I know this rule is hard to follow during the Christmas season as throngs of mega consumers are out and about shopping for loved ones. However, most guys are claustrophobic. And the idea of being packed like sardines in a crowded Victoria Secret store while you search a table of unmentionables ranks pretty high on our list of uncomfortable situations. If you must enter such a place, find one with a comfy bench outside and tell us to park it.

4.  Plan your trip to the mall around male-friendly stores.  Always keep your eyes peeled for diversions. If you need to stop by the Hallmark store you better look for a male-friendly place to send us while you sneak in a few card purchases to get this year’s $14 dancing, singing snowman. I highly recommend GNC Nutrition, Radio Shack, or any store with those playable video game demos on display. Warning: Move quickly, if you take longer than the time to play one quarter of Madden Football ‘09 on the XBox 360 I might venture into Hallmark and scuttle your entire plan.

5.  Communication is key. Bring along some two-way radios to keep in touch. Cell phones are not as fun, but they will do in a pinch. Bonus points for sexiness if you say things like, “Over,” “What’s your 20,” or can squawk “I love you” in Morse Code.

6.  Do not take guys shopping on an empty stomach. Luring us to the store in exchange for the promise of food is a smart plan. If you can swing it, a pre-game meal involving steak will provide energy to get us through. And a post-game dessert over coffee is a nice reward for good behavior.

7.  Do not ask for input on non-practical gifts. Seriously, we do not really care which figurine you send to Aunt Gertrude this year. To the male shopper figurines equal dust collectors. However, if you are trying to decide between an iPod or a Zune we will gladly share our opinions.

8.  At least once during the trip, buy something because it is cheaper, or higher quality. Your frugality will impress us.  Turn-ons include calculating the unit price, using a coupon, asking the salesperson for a discount, and comparing manufacturer warranties.

Shopping together this holiday season doesn’t have to be a miserable experience. But the responsibility for success or failure of a joint holiday shopping expedition lies mostly in the hands of women. Of course, this probably doesn’t surprise them. In my family, the entire Christmas season would be pretty bleak if it weren’t for the help of Mrs. Clause.

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My fellow male readers may view this as a “devil’s advocate” post, but I’m not calling it that because my wife is a reader and she may take offense!

Let’s play a little game.  Read the following line, close your eyes and pay attention to the image you have in your head:  “The shopper, loaded down with bags from a morning of scouting out sales, walked briskly towards the mall’s exit.”  Ok, you can open your eyes now.  Was your mental image of the shopper a man or a woman?  Right, it was a woman.  That’s because most stereotypical views of shoppers and shop-a-holics assume women are the major offenders.  However, I would argue that men are equally guilty.

The Male Shopper vs. the Female Shopper

After my wife and I first married she took up an interest in scrapbooking.  We bought so many scrapbook supplies that I joked we could run a scrapbooking supply store out of our spare bedroom.  Of course, I was reminded how much went into each scrapbook, including the books themselves, stickers, cardstock, stamps, etc, etc.  I wasn’t convinced.  I thought this ranked up there with one of the most expensive hobbies ever conceived.  I griped about the cost of everything, and trips to the scrapbook store frequently led to arguments about money and left us both feeling guilty–her for buying supplies, and me for being upset about it.

The funny thing is that during this same period I bought a laptop computer that I “had to have,” a pager with a texting feature (this was before the days of cell phone text messages), and a new truck.  Those three purchases alone were many thousands of dollars more than the money my wife spent on her weekly scrapbook supplies, but they were spread out over the course of a year or so.  Other than those luxuries I stayed out of stores for the most part, which somehow justified my spending over hers.  Not fair.

Women Buy Shoes, Men Buy iPhones

Some women like shoes or purses, while others enjoy spending money on cooking or crafts.  Some men like cars or electronic gadgets, while others pour money into radio controlled planes or sporting events.   The point is that we all have our weaknesses when it comes to consuming.  The infrequency of our shopping trips, or the resulting amounts, do not make one party fiscally superior to the other.  The average man has many jokes in his arsenal about how much his wife likes to shop, but if they really stopped to analyze spending they would probably discover they spend just as much (and in most cases, much more) on big ticket items.

How does this compare to the spending in your current relationship?  Are you the spender, or the saver?

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Alright, I can’t guarantee that she will “love” all of them, I mean what kind of guy would I be if I completely understood women?  But, I am sure that she will at least love some of them, depending on the type of lady you have.

By “date” I am referring to anything you can do alone for a couple hours with your wife/girlfriend. If you have kids, you might just have to bite the bullet and pay a sitter for a couple of hours, but at least the date itself can be free!

I have found that creativity is often the source of the most fun and it doesn’t cost a thing! On the other hand you can often spend a lot of money doing the same-old-thing and not have any fun. These are a few ideas that have worked for us.

1. Have a photo shoot | FREE

Grab your digital camera and start driving around town together and stop at scenic locations and start taking pictures of each other. Be goofy. Be creative – think like an artist, don’t just take the same old fake smile centered pictures. Get out of the box and take some weird pictures! Take 100-200 pictures and go home, download Picasa, pick your favorites and stretch your creative muscles even more by adding various effects to each picture.

2. Have a movie marathon | FREE – $5.00

Of course the library is great for books, but most libraries now have an extensive selection of DVD’s as well. Go pick out a few of your old favorites, or sign up for a starter plan at Netflix, then swing by the grocery store and pick up your favorite snacks. Turn off the lights, grab a blanket and cozy up for a night in the great indoors.

3. Go house shopping | FREE

Even if you aren’t in the market for a new house, just go browse anyway. There is just something fun about the home-browsing process. Pick a developing area and check out a few of the display homes. Make a list together of the things you like and don’t. This is also a great way to get some design ideas and to find layouts that you may want in the future.

4. Go play a sport together | FREE

Play basketball, tennis, soccer, catch, ride bikes together, rollerblade, or anything else. It is fun, you get to breathe some fresh air, and most of them are great exercise as well. How is that for multi-tasking?

5. Plan a vacation | FREE

As I write this I am counting the days to my next vacation. You could almost argue that the anticipation up to a vacation provides as much enjoyment as the vacation itself. So why not start planning one? Even if it will be two years away, it is still something to look forward to and will get here sooner than you know it. There are a million vacation related sites to get your brain churning and help you get ideas. Once you figure out where and when, start budgeting for it!

6. Dinner and dancing at home | FREE – $30.00

Make a playlist of your favorite slow songs and let them start playing. You can then cook your favorite meal together, put out some candles, the fine china, and have a relaxing and romantic dinner together. Once dinner is over, leave the dishes until the next day! Slow dance and think about each other like you did when you were dating.

7. Go on a picnic | FREE – $20.00

I can still remember the first picnic I went on with my wife (girlfriend at the time) and it was so fun. I made us her favorite type of sandwich, got her favorite chips and drinks, packed a basket up with food and blanket and we headed to our favorite park. We found a great secluded location right next to a stream that ran through it and threw our blanket down. We ate, relaxed, and talked for a while. We then wandered around the park and I played her a couple songs on my guitar. Guys you may laugh, but girls love it!

8. Play a game together | FREE

Find an old board game in the closet. Scrabble, Checkers, Chess, Yahtzee, Monopoly, or anything else you both enjoy. If you don’t have the boards themselves you can play online.

9. Go camping | FREE – $50.00

One of the reasons I love camping is because all the distractions are (or should be) left behind. You can sit under the stars next to warm campfire and just talk to each other for hours. It is just a great cheap way to break out of the monotony of the daily grind. If you don’t have a tent you can get one for as cheap as $25 at Walmart. Sleeping bags can be as cheap as $10. Pack a cooler and hit the road.

10. Go for a moonlight walk | FREE

If you have a beach near you, I am a little bit jealous, and you should go there – often! If you are an inlander like the rest of us, you just need to find another place. But even a subdivision sidewalk will do. There is something very romantic about walking around at night, especially under the moonlight. Tell your spouse all the things you love about them and walk slowly.

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Gifts from the Heart, Fastest Way to Our Heart

They say the fastest way to a guy’s heart is through his stomach, implying that a great cook can land even the most eligible bachelor.  I admit I have a weakness for great cooking (and the stomach to prove it), but there is something that ranks even higher for us frugal guys.  Last year my wife gave me one of the greatest frugal Valentine’s Day gifts ever.  While most people were out crawling the mall jewelry stores and searching for the perfect electronic gadget for their husbands, my wife picked up a glass candy jar, rose petals, and colored paper.  She spent the better part of a day handwriting 50 reasons why she loved me on each strip of paper, filling the jar with a festive combination of pink, red and white notes on a bed of rose petals.  She presented the jar to me on Valentine’s Day and watched as I read each message from the jar.  It was one of the most meaningful gifts I’ve ever received.

Is Saving Money Really a Turn On?

Being a saver is a turn on for most husbands, however I’m not sure it is a mutually desired trait for most wives.  I’m sure most women (and many men) would prefer to have a spouse that spent money showering them with lavish gifts.  After all, these are the types of examples we see on television.  Our entertainment industry has made “bling” a household word and the object of many people’s desire.  Unfortunately, “bling” requires a lot of money that the average person simply cannot afford.  Some spend like crazy anyway, racking up a mountain of debt in the process.  I don’t know about you, but there is nothing sexy about a mountain of debt!

When it comes to the frugal guy (or girl) in your life, it may not be the act of saving money that is a turn on, rather it is the shared attributes of those who enjoy living frugally that causes sparks to fly.  In the case of my wife and I, a mutual desire to be better stewards of money and resources, and a collection of shared goals centered around the idea of financial independence, keeps us close and moving in the same direction, financially and otherwise.

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Today my wife and I celebrate our 10-year wedding anniversary! In some ways it seems like just yesterday that I was nervously glancing at my watch every few minutes while my grandfather (my best man, and still the “best man” I have ever known) and my stepfather attempted to calm my nerves. I was admittedly nervous about the wedding ceremony itself, hoping all would go smoothly. I was not nervous about my choice in bride.

My wife and I were best friends for the year and a half we knew each other prior to engagement. We met in college and instantly recognized we were soul mates. We had many things in common, from similar family backgrounds (both sets of parents divorced when we were roughly the same age), to sharing a love of college football (how could I go wrong!). In fact, our first official date was to hear a motivational speech from Rudy Ruettiger, the real-life inspiration behind the movie Rudy. After the speech, my wife encouraged me to stand in line for over two hours to shake Rudy’s hand and get an autograph. I was so excited to meet the man that had inspired me not to give up in so many areas of my life, but the real prize was sharing it with someone who recognized how much it meant to me, and showed such patience for me to fulfill my dream. That was only a glimpse of the sacrifices my wife has made over the last decade.

After a short honeymoon, my wife relocated to live in a small home with me and my grandfather in my home town. Unfortunately, I was broke at the time, and was working two part time jobs because neither employer would hire me full time. I finally landed my first “real” job two months after our wedding and a year later we learned we were expecting our first child. My wife wanted to be a stay-home-mom and decided to leave her short-lived career in a medical office and returned home with our newborn. Eight years later she still serves in that most-important role, and is one of the best mothers I have ever known.

The first few years of marriage we doted on our new baby, and did many of the foolish newlywed financial things like take vacations and buy a new car. It wasn’t until sometime later that we both were “cured” of our spending addiction (her on scrapbook supplies, and me on anything electronic). We both subscribed to a life of frugality and have made a debt-free lifestyle our number one financial goal.

Experts agree your choice of spouse has a lot to do with your ultimate success. In my case, that could not be more true. My wife supported my decision to return to school after our daughter was born to pursue my undergraduate degree, something I had given up on in order to support our family. Over the next few years she stayed home to raise our child and spent many an evening alone while I toiled away at school, four nights a week. The day I graduated I told her I wished they could print both our named on the diploma because I felt she had worked just as much for it as I had, if not more. She continues to be supportive in my current career, and here with my venture called Frugal Dad.

Thanks for allowing me the opportunity to write about my wife, “Frugal Mom,” on this our special day. Here’s to another ten frugal years!

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